SPERM Adapted from Jacques Miroirs 18th-Century play Cachalot by Tom Jacobson 11/30/02 Playwrights Ink 3425 West First Street Los Angeles, CA 90004 (213) 385-4562 tom.jacobson@att.net CAST OF CHARACTERS (Seven Actors) RICHARD, 20s, an American whaler LOUIS XVI, 30s, King of France MARIE ANTOINETTE, 30s, Queen of France DUC DE COIGNY, 20s-40s, First Equerry of Versailles, a nobleman SISTER LOUISE, 50s-70s, aunt of Louis, a Carmelite nun BARMAID FRENCH AND ENGLISH SEAMEN, AMERICAN WHALERS, ACIDS, SERVANTS Doubling may be as follows: SISTER LOUISE/BARMAID, FRENCH SEAMAN/AMERICAN WHALER/ACID/SERVANT, ENGLISH SEAMAN/AMERICAN WHALER/ACID/SERVANT. The action takes place in various locations in France from 1786 to 1789. SETTING: Locations are defined as simply as possible with furniture and lighting. When characters swim, the actors are flown by wires or bungee cords. ADAPTER?S NOTE Jacques Miroir is almost certainly a pseudonym. Records show no noble of that name among the courtiers of Louis XVI, and a commoner would have no knowledge of the tragic intrigues and political machinations at court prior to the Revolution. The semi-Republican sympathies expressed in the play would have been unusual among the nobility, but the sympathetic portrayal of the royals would seem even more bizarre coming from the bourgeoisie. The peasantry had generally warm feelings for the King (if not the Queen), but few of them were literate during his reign. Who, then, wrote Cachalot? It has been suggested that the true author is Beaumarchais, who may have decided to use a nom de plume in the wake of the outcry against The Barber of Seville and The Marriage of Figaro, plays that critique the nobility but without libeling living (royal!) persons. Cachalot, however, is in verse, unlike the work of Beaumarchais, and was probably considered stylistically archaic at the time. It resembles?-although only superficially?-the style of Moliere. The content is almost Rabelaisian in scale. The sometimes scatological humor is most similar to the pornographic plays privately performed in 18th-century France. The archaic style and the conflicting sympathies of Cachalot seem to have rendered it impossible to stage in the 1790s, for no record exists of even a private production. Royalists would have been horrified at its irreverence and improprieties, and the Jacobins would have shunned it as effete and ancien as the regime itself. Of course, the most probable reason the play was never produced lay in the author?s extraordinary bad timing: who had time to produce a play when the best theatre was in the streets, complete with barricades, tumbrils, and guillotines? No credence whatsoever should be given to the notion that the play was authored by Marie Antoinette during her imprisonment. The vulgarity of the language, not to mention the brutality of much of the action, indicates Cachalot could not have been written by a noblewoman of the 1790s, much less a queen! A tavern in Dunkerque, 1786. Three SEAMEN are drinking, occasionally served by a BARMAID. FRENCH SEAMAN A whore?s a whore, no matter where she lies. ENGLISH SEAMAN Perhaps, my friend?-and yet a whore who plies Her trade on any shore betrays her birth When quoting price. FRENCH SEAMAN Her nation is her worth? ENGLISH SEAMAN Exactly, sir, so twat in France is free. FRENCH SEAMAN I pay much more than that! ENGLISH SEAMAN It?s quite a fee: You pay with pox and chancres. Plus, she reeks Of cloying perfume slathered on her cheeks. All four, I mean, because she never wipes Her arse, or bathes. A toast: (Toasting.) The guttersnipes Of France! The poon-tang of Paris! To Gaul! FRENCH SEAMAN Monsieur, try as you might, I will not brawl With any Englishman who eats our tarts Then dares critique the recipe, and farts Out clouds of lies. Your judgment must be weighed Against the English way of getting laid. ENGLISH SEAMAN I sense a rude remark?-what?s that you said? FRENCH SEAMAN French harlots stink and steal but yours--are dead. ENGLISH SEAMAN Perhaps my French is rusty?-did you say That English strumpets seem to pass away From passion, swooning at le petit morte? FRENCH SEAMAN They?re morte before they start! I can report From actual experience?-they?re dead! ENGLISH SEAMAN You mean extinct? FRENCH SEAMAN Ill be succinct: in bed An English lady of the night is cold As marble and as soft to touch. An old, Rank, rotting flounder makes a better fuck And you can eat it after?-no such luck With girls in English ports. They won?t do this, They won?t do that. You go to take a piss Then when you?re back they?ve gone straight off to sleep?- And stolen all the covers in a heap. They snore like demons bellowing in pain. I?ll die before I bed a British whore again. ENGLISH SEAMAN And so you shall, unless you take that back! FRENCH SEAMAN I insult British bawds, then you attack! Seems English dignitys a fragile thing. I only hope for your sake that the Eng- (Pulling out a knife.) -Lishmen brawl better than their women screw ENGLISH SEAMAN (Lunging with his knife.) For God and England?s whores, I?ll run you through! RICHARD (The third SEAMAN, bearded.) (Interposing.) Boys! Boys! FRENCH SEAMAN You limey bastard! ENGLISH SEAMAN Slimy frog! RICHARD (Keeping them at bay with his harpoon.) Don?t slay yourselves like soldiers in a fog. It?s only Greeks and Trojans die for sluts! ENGLISH SEAMAN I die for honor, sir! FRENCH SOLDIER For France! RICHARD You?re nuts! And drunk as rats in hogsheads! FRENCH SOLDIER So? ENGLISH SOLDIER So what? RICHARD You don?t got much to argue on, not squat! The British tart, she has her faults, and yes, French wenches sometimes offer even less. But harlots from my country be the worst The pussy from America?-she cursed! FRENCH SEAMAN (After staring for a moment.) Monsieur, you have just raped my mother tongue! RICHARD Pardon my French. I learnt my words unstrung When yellow fever made New Orleans my home By keeping me in bed there all alone-- American amid the Spanish and the French. My teachers were Delirium and Stench. ENGLISH SEAMAN They get around! My French instructors were The same! FRENCH SEAMAN (Threatening again.) Don?t be so goddam fresh, Monsieur! ENGLISH SEAMAN Relax! I want to hear why trollops of The Colonies are bad at making love. FRENCH SEAMAN Because they are descended from your race! Some commotion outside. RICHARD It?s commerce?-how you say? The ?marketplace.? They aim to please, above all else. They?ll do What wrings a coin or two more out of you. They second guess, anticipate, and plan Bizarre, exotic tanglings for their man. ENGLISH SEAMAN It sounds like heaven! FRENCH SEAMAN Paradise! RICHARD It?s not. Their false enthusiasm selling cunt Cannot arouse a man, but only blunt His blade. They laugh when roughly stroked, And counterfeit a shriek of joy when poked As if it pleased them so to be with you When, in fact, that night you?re twenty-two Of forty men she?ll ball before the dawn. I tell you, lads, it makes me want to yawn Or get?-oh, now what is the word??-depressed Each time a Yankee gets herself undressed, Drops every stitch of clothes, but never strips That sweet insipid smile from on her lips. When all the while she?s thinking that your prick A-plunging deep inside her makes her sick. You?d rather be despised by mademoiselles, Ignored by corpse-like English Jezebels, Than let a Yankee doodle with your toy. Instead, jump back on ship and plug a boy. Increased hubbub outside. FRENCH SEAMAN and ENGLISH SEAMAN peer out the window. ENGLISH SEAMAN What?s all that row? FRENCH SEAMAN This is a quiet port Most days. RICHARD (Still seated.) I?m sure it?s only young lads making sport?- ENGLISH SEAMAN Oh, no, they?re angry?-brawling down the street. FRENCH SEAMAN It?s not just boys?-it?s merchants?- ENGLISH SEAMAN Primed to beat Somebody with those sticks?- Hubbub dies down. FRENCH SEAMAN (Returning to the table.) Our bourgeoisie Who hoard the grain, blame aristocracy When peasants starve. Some poor, unlucky lord Must be their prey. (To RICHARD.) Are you so bored You can?t be stirred by revolution, boy? RICHARD That mob of shopkeepers will just annoy Your government. A revolution is On grander scale. My noble father?-his Revolt created a new land. ENGLISH SEAMAN Do tell. RICHARD A giant of a man, he did compel Me to sit out the war?-I was too young, He said. Twas true, but even so, it stung. Denied his path to glory, I set sail Pursuing something grander yet?-the whale. FRENCH SEAMAN Monsieur, you mean you?re on a whaling trip? RICHARD We?ve only docked today?- (Pointing.) ?-And there?s my ship. ENGLISH SEAMAN But there?s no whaling out of France. FRENCH SEAMAN We leave That nasty task to Dutch and Englishmen to heave Harpoons at monsters of the deep. Amer- ?Icans as well kill whales for they?re Barbarians from birth. But Frenchmen-- Hubbub outside again. RICHARD --Sail For whale but always seem?-the word??-to fail. I?ve seen them get in boats to chase a wave, Thinking it a fluke and themselves brave. But your own king has given up on you And asked Nantucket Islanders to do The job of training France to hunt the fish That lights the lamps, and so his wish Is my com?-com-- FRENCH SEAMAN Command. RICHARD Command. FRENCH SEAMAN You?ve met The King? I heard he?s coming here. The hubbub is louder, with discernable shouts and the sound of carriage wheels. RICHARD Not yet. I?m one of hundreds. Many families Have started on their way across the seas To colonize this paltry port with men Who probe the mysteries of Leviathan. The door flies open and three cloaked STRANGERS burst in, led by a woman, who is shouting. The clatter and other shouting in the street is very loud. WOMAN Turn out the Bourbons! Chase them down! Throw rocks! MAN Don?t shout like that! WOMAN The door! MAN And lock the locks! The other MAN slams the door shut and locks it. The clatter and hubbub quickly die away. The WOMAN peers out the window. WOMAN The carriage lamp is broken, but they?re gone. MAN How can you say those things? WOMAN (To the SEAMEN as she goes to a different table.) Please do go on. Don?t let us interrupt. The two MEN smile nervously at the SEAMEN, then join the WOMAN at her table. FRENCH SEAMAN It?s just a tale Of how to change the world by chasing whale. ENGLISH SEAMAN Come bragging boy, can whaling men top this? You?d whimper, cry, and douse your pants with piss If you?d seen ghost ships on the Goodwin Sands?- FRENCH SEAMAN Or Flying Dutchman off of Afric lands?- RICHARD You?ve seen these haunts? ENGLISH SEAMAN The ghost ship? Oh, yes?-twice. FRENCH SEAMAN The Flying Dutchman turned my blood to ice?- FRENCH SEAMAN pulls off his cap revealing a shock of pure white hair. Everyone gasps, including the eavesdroppers. FRENCH SEAMAN (Cont.) Then this I found upon my head. And yet?- Until that night it was as black as jet. ENGLISH SEAMAN A charming anecdote, well told. Perhaps A bit too perfectly rehearsed. Some chaps Might say too good to be believed?- FRENCH SEAMAN (Pulling out his knife.) You dog?-! RICHARD (Intervening.) Now, boys, it?s clear you?ve both had too much grog! (To the ENGLISH SEAMAN.) A sly retort is always on your tongue?- (To the FRENCH SEAMAN.) Your knife is always out?-you?re highly strung. Myself, I honor both your tales as true Because I know a yarn that will outdo You both. ENGLISH SEAMAN Let?s hear it then. FRENCH SEAMAN Commence. Unable to stop himself, one of the eavesdroppers bursts out. LOUIS Oh, please! The other eavesdroppers quickly restrain the embarrassed LOUIS. RICHARD (Keenly aware of his expanded audience.) Again, forgive my French, before I seize Upon this ghastly, ghostly legend I?ve In mind. It?s so grotesque you might derive No pleasure from my recitation, but It?s morally instructive, not just smut. Throughout his tale, RICHARD carefully puts out the candles in the room until only one remains. FRENCH SEAMAN A filthy phantom?-better still! RICHARD The mate Aboard my ship told me this story. Fate Arranged his role the night this tale played out Its horrifying, vengeful turnabout. Have any of you been a-whaling? ALL (Including the EAVESDROPPERS.) No. RICHARD Well, any man who gets a chance should go. That?s where this saga starts, upon the sea Just as a right whale met its destiny. They?re named?-right whales--because they are the ones Who in their jaws grow what we call whalebones, The stays in ladies? corsets made to press Against the breasts and belly in a dress. The chase was long and hazardous?- A bosun lost his arm?-this succubus, This creature, after fighting for her life Rolled on her side, exhausted from the strife And cast one rolling eye upon the mate. He later said he?d never seen such hate From any animal, not dog or horse. The agony of death hit him full force, The whale?s demise consumed him like his own. He fell at once in fever, overthrown, Came to himself weeks later tucked in bed. The whale, by then, for just as long, was dead, The ship returned to port, the blubber boiled, The whalebone cut and dried, her flesh despoiled. Some lovely corsets were made up and sold. The high society of Boston strolled About the town, with ladies? flesh embraced By that whale?s baleen interlaced With cotton binding. Then, that very week They held a ball to celebrate their clique. The theme was ladies white, and men in black, And so the ladies came, dressed to attack, Each wearing proudly her new whalebone gown As white as baby teeth, as soft as down. The mate, still suffering from his fevered fit, Betook an action inappropriate, And, shivering, showed up where he shouldn?t be Then scandalized their party with his plea: Dear ladies, take your dresses off!? he cried. The owner wants them back, the one who died. A silence greeted him before the shock Wore off, and then the laughter seemed to rock The room before he was escorted to The door. But just before they shoved him through, A lady gasped, ?My dress just got too tight!? ?Mine, too,? another shrieked, and then a fight Began between the ladies and their frocks. They tried to rip them off, but fast as locks They were shut in, the corsets tighter still! Just then, a mystery wind blew through the hall, Extinguishing the whale-oil lamps o?erall. But darkness couldn?t ease the horrid groan Of all the ladies trapped in dresses sown Of thread and satin and the right whale?s jaw That now compressed their organs like a claw. To add to misery and woe, a rank And fishlike odor, no, a reek, now stank Throughout the room and made it hard to breathe. Then came the part I still can?t quite believe. A huge, amorphous presence filled the hall, A wet and hulking rage was sensed by all. And then pealed forth a sound no human ear Has heard before or since, a moan of fear, A rumbling whine, a squeal that made the hair Stand up, a shriek that floated in the air. Then just as sudden all was still. One lamp, It flickered on of its own will. The damp And awful presence disappeared from view, But every woman there had vanished, too. The mate was then locked up, of course, for days. But finally was released when in the bays Of Boston missing womenfolk were found All floating daintily and white, but drowned. Still beautiful, each graceful as a swan, Her dress fair, but the whalebone stays all gone. LOUIS (After a moment.) How gross! MARIE (The female EAVESDROPPER.) (Comforting, with a slight German accent.) But not a word of it is true. DE COIGNY (The third EAVESDROPPER.) It couldn?t be. ENGLISH SEAMAN I?m with the lady, too. RICHARD Why not? LOUIS Yes, why? MARIE Has word from Boston reached Our ears of ladies washed up dead and beached? FRENCH SEAMAN Of course, it would be covered up, a plague?- LOUIS Or else some other explanation vague. MARIE (Preparing to leave.) Messieurs, so gullible! FRENCH SEAMAN I?ve seen a lot At sea, and heard worse tales that I forgot. RICHARD I never said that it was true, just that?s What I been told. LOUIS It must be true! DE COIGNY (Trying to pull LOUIS away.) These chats Go on a little long for my taste?- LOUIS (Pulling free.) No! (To RICHARD.) Your story presupposes whales can grow A soul in order to be ghosts. RICHARD I guess. LOUIS I find that notion most intriguing. MARIE Yes, But more disturbing. LOUIS In what way? MARIE We eat A dozen animals a day. A feat If they should come a-haunting us at night! LOUIS Imagine that, Marie?- (Both MARIE and DE COIGNY react to his use of her name in public.) ?-We had a bite Of luncheon when our carriage stopped today. My God! The souls in just one cassoulet! Then escargot, a chicken, and some clams, The beef, of course, the sausages and hams. Why, we devour menageries! FRENCH SEAMAN (Thinking of what he?s eaten or would like to eat.) There?s veal, And dove and salmon, porpoise, quail and eel?- LOUIS Wild bull, and boar, foie gras and blue-cooked pike, And cormorant roast just the way I like?- FRENCH SEAMAN There?s goat and goose and capon, bream and seal?- LOUIS And eggs! How many unborn souls we steal! And not just eggs of fowls, but caviar! A host of fishy souls in just one jar! All kinds of seafood?-skate and ray and shark. More birds, like egret, heron, swan and lark. RICHARD There?s venison and turkey! ENGLISH SEAMAN Flounder! RICHARD Bear! FRENCH SEAMAN There?s tiger penis! RICHARD Possum! FRENCH SEAMAN Monkey! ENGLISH SEAMAN Hare! LOUIS (Counting on his fingers.) Teal, partridge, crane, and guinea fowl, Woodcock, warbler of Provence, and owl Plus curlews, thrushes, buntings in a bunch So many ghosts?-and that was just for lunch! MARIE Amusing, but it?s all a wicked lie. LOUIS Whoever found a phantom in a pie? RICHARD It?s not a lie?-it is a tale. There?s quite A difference between the two, despite What you may think. LOUIS The similarity Is clear?-they?re both dishonest. RICHARD True, but we, As God?s flawed creatures crave a tale or two. We don?t need lies, but find a yarn will do. The very Gospel texts themselves conflict Each other?s holy facts and contradict In detail and chronology with stark Changes in Christ?s life from John to Mark. And much of Matthew sounds like a rebuke Of passages soon following in Luke. But we believe them all?-it is God?s word, And no dissenting voices will be heard. LOUIS We do accept each verse as?-Gospel truth!-- Embrace these stories from our very youth. Perhaps we are too eager to discern Divine authority--I often yearn-- DE COIGNY I?m loathe to interrupt theology?- MARIE Let?s get a move on, dear, I have to pee. LOUIS You?re not a common seaman, sir. RICHARD I am American, as common as a clam, For each man there?s of equal dignity. No artificial aristocracy Sets one apart, appoints the right to rule. MARIE I?m tired, sweets, let?s go. DE COIGNY This man?s a fool. LOUIS Are you implying here in France that things Are misruled by divinely chosen kings? RICHARD I?ve not been here a day, and yet I see The people eating grass, in poverty. While nobles like yourself?- LOUIS Insult me, do! RICHARD Gorge on exotic flesh, consume a zoo! LOUIS Do you have any notion of my name? FRENCH SEAMAN (Bowing down.) Take care! Shut up! RICHARD To me it?s all the same. We kicked King George across the sea And have no earthly use for monarchy. LOUIS The peasants here adore the King! Why just Today, a turnip of a woman rushed And threw herself headlong into the mire At my feet. I asked her her desire, Quite unperturbed. She said to me?-a fire Within her heart?-Just to embrace you, sire!? RICHARD So what? ENGLISH SEAMAN (Bowing down.) You idiot! LOUIS You take a chance! RICHARD I don?t care if you are?- LOUIS (Overlapping.) I am?- RICHARD AND LOUIS ?-The King of France! Pause, as this sinks in for RICHARD. He notices the SEAMEN bowed low. He realizes he might be in trouble. RICHARD The King? LOUIS Of France. RICHARD Louis Sixteen? LOUIS The same. Perhaps?-this known?-you will respect my name? RICHARD (Carefully.) I will afford it every courtesy?- If you will deign to do the same for me. DE COIGNY See here! The King excuses ignorance, But now you know his rank?- RICHARD I?m not from France. LOUIS Why, I could have your head! MARIE Dear, don?t. LOUIS I will! RICHARD Unless you are unjust, you won?t. They all stare for a moment, apprehensive about LOUIS? next move. He?s apprehensive himself. The BARMAID even runs away. Finally, LOUIS breaks into a grin. LOUIS I need to travel more! One always meets The most unusual people in the streets! I like this crass American, this rube Who dares to treat me like I am a boob! Your name, Monsieur? RICHARD Just call me Richard, please. LOUIS No patronymic? RICHARD Cast it off. It frees Me from my family name?s imbroglio, For lineage can be a trap, you know. LOUIS Ah, none knows better, Richard, lad! Why are You here in France? You?ve come so very far To twit the royals. RICHARD You invited me. LOUIS I did? RICHARD With every whaling family That left Nantucket weeks ago to bring Our skills at killing whales to France?s king. LOUIS Now that explains your cocky attitude! You?re here at my behest, how very rude Of me! I asked you here to teach us how To slaughter a cetacean like a cow. Where are you docked? RICHARD (Pointing.) Right over there. LOUIS May I Request a little tour? I?d like to spy On how you melt a giant down to oil. RICHARD I?ll happily instruct how whalers boil The blubber, and explain the harpoon trade (Holds out his hand.) To novices as long as I am paid. LOUIS (After a tense moment, jovially.) You?re so American! On Thursday then? (RICHARD continues to hold out his hand.) Oh?-in advance! LOUIS gestures to DE COIGNY, who pays RICHARD. RICHARD just stares at the money. LOUIS Some more. DE COIGNY pays RICHARD some more. RICHARD See you at ten. (Starts to leave, then stops.) But waitif hes the King, then youre DE COIGNY The Queen. RICHARD And no more lovely lady have I seen. (MARIE is dumfounded.) Apologies if I oer-reach my place But in America a comely face Is royalty enough for common men MARIE Apology accepted. (After a moment, awkwardly waving him off.) Until then! RICHARD bows awkwardly and leaves with the money. LOUIS I am divinely chosen, don?t you think? MARIE (Pulling LOUIS away from the SEAMEN, who quickly leave.) Of course, dear, but this country?s on the brink Of revolution and that kind of man Is now born French, not just American. I warned you France is changing, but this trip You had to take. And so we watch them strip The ornaments right off our carriage top And trample them. What makes you think they?d stop At that? LOUIS But you stayed calm and borrowed cloaks From generous peasants?-you?re so quick! MARIE Nice folks. LOUIS But did you have to shout that ugly rant Against the Bourbon family? MARIE I can?t Apologize for what I did not mean For I?m as much a woman as a queen. You men force women into telling lies Then chide us if our feelings we disguise. LOUIS I know you saved our lives just now, my sweet. They chased an empty carriage down the street. MARIE The peasants love you still, but will you now Believe me that the bourgeoisie won?t bow? LOUIS The peasants do eat grass?-we need reform. But I should get the credit for transform? ?Ing our society. If we can force The nobles to agree to tax?-divorce Themselves from privileges?- DE COIGNY Let?s not forget, I am still in the room. LOUIS I don?t regret Inviting you along, de Coigny, but You?re here to be my Equerry and not To represent opinions of your class. DE COIGNY You majesties?-not just to save my ass?- I truly do concur with you about That notion that we all must do without Traditions of inequity if we Are to survive as a society. I am, however, rare among my breed, For most aristocrats have not agreed. MARIE Louis, don?t taunt our friend the Duc?- The only noble doesn?t make me puke. For his advice will help convince the rest?- DE COIGNY The national assembly is a test?- LOUIS --That we would fail! I?ll not assemble men To vote against fair taxes once again! DE COIGNY The composition of the group, the Third Estate?- LOUIS (Giving DE COIGNY the finger.) Up yours! (Stomps out.) DE COIGNY The King gave me the bird. MARIE With you at least he?s trying to be polite?- He farts to disagree with me at night. We?re too familiar, commonplace, for him. He?d rather talk to oddities, a whim Of late. DE COIGNY He once thought I was full of wit But now he?ll always do the opposite Of what I say. MARIE That whaler had his full Attention, did you see? He pulled the wool O?er Louis eyes in nothing flat with just Bad French, a smile, outrageous tales, robust Delivery. DE COIGNY A handsome face... MARIE (Grudgingly.) That, too. DE COIGNY He?s made as much impression upon you. MARIE He is a man, and they?re in short supply. All men are boys before their Queen, and my Own Louis? no exception to the rule. DE COIGNY He is a man, down to the molecule. MARIE All women want a man, that is their curse. And men all want their kings, that?s even worse. And kings want gods to tell them what to do. DE COIGNY I disagree! How sad if all that?s true! MARIE Each seeks someone with more authority So they can shirk responsibility. DE COIGNY This Richard?s bold--as if he?s on the stage. Perhaps you could recruit him as your page For amateur theatricals instead Of making your poor, bashful husband tread The boards. MARIE Poor Louis wasn?t born to act, But I?m on stage each moment?-that?s a fact. The only time he plays a part is when he sneaks About in quaint disguise and shyly peeks Into his kingdom as a commoner. DE COIGNY Just like tonight. It?s tedious. But your Performance as the queen is always deft. The SEAMEN return and begin to change the set. MARIE Of all my noble friends, thank God you?re left! The rest have since turned critic?-bad reviews Are all I get these days. Could not refuse To go in public when I was with child, And yet to show?s indelicate, defiled. My pregnancies were difficult ones, too, But, of course, nobody ever knew. I forge a fiction every second I?m alive. DE COIGNY It?s time to forge a new one as we strive To get him to convene Estates General. MARIE I had a clever thought that may appall You quite a bit at first, but hear me out. The First Estate, the nobles?-too much clout. The Second group, the clergy, go along With what the nobles think. DE COIGNY The final throng, The Third Estate, the bourgeoisie and ranks Of peasants, love the King and give him thanks For small reforms. MARIE They don?t like me, I know, But no one does. In any case, they show The King support and want the nobles taxed. And could win out if legal rules relaxed. DE COIGNY I think I know where you will go with this. MARIE If Louis can forget his prejudice, Convene the Estates General with one Small change?- DE COIGNY What?s that? MARIE I think it would be fun To give the Third Estate a double count Of delegates. They merit that amount And then could overrule nobility And church combined. DE COIGNY What silly sanctity Has kept the three Estates just so for each? MARIE Then you agree with me?-you are a peach! DE COIGNY helps MARIE out of her cloak, revealing her regal finery. DE COIGNY But how to get your husband to agree? MARIE I?ll think of something?-leave that one to me. The SEAMAN have changed the set to a rather nicely appointed nun?s cell in a Carmelite cloister. The BARMAID has become SISTER LOUISE, LOUIS? elderly aunt, a nun. DE COIGNY disappears. LOUISE, who is seated, and MARIE, who is not, stare at each other a moment, hostile. MARIE Bonjour, Madame. LOUISE Bonjour. A nice surprise. MARIE We are in Normandy to analyze The readiness of French warships. The fleet?s A favorite project of the King. LOUISE Mistreats You, does he, bringing you along? MARIE No, we?- LOUISE My nephew played with boats when he was three. He now has fleets of toys. But I?m concerned For you, my dear. You?ve worked so hard and learned To speak a French that?s almost perfect, brought An elegance to court I never thought They knew in Austria. And though I?m cloi- -Stered here, word has it that you don?t enjoy Versailles. MARIE Oh, no, Madame. You have misheard. Your nephew is the one who is referred To as disturbed. ?L?etat, c?est moi? was what His great grandfather said?- LOUISE I hope he?s not Considering a change of policy. A king is still the state. The state is he. He must not think of altering one whit! MARIE Exactly what upsets him so! That?s it! You?re so perceptive! He discerns a can- -Cer here in France and feels it like a man With tumors in his flesh. LOUISE Duc d?Orleans, My nephew?s handsome cousin?- MARIE ?-Devil spawn?- LOUISE What?s that? MARIE Don?t let me interrupt. LOUISE The Duc, Unlike Louis, is not the type to spook So easily. A friendly warning, dear: I?ve heard some say Duc d?Orleans would steer This ship of state far better than your spouse. Of course I don?t agree at all?- MARIE The louse! LOUISE Pardon? MARIE Oh, nothing?-just a little sneeze. LOUISE It?s most annoying. (Handing MARIE a handkerchief.) Take a hankie, please. MARIE My lord the King is not afraid, but sees The kingdom fall to ruin and disease. The country is in debt?-now that I know?- LOUISE So glad you brought that up! May I bestow Upon you some old maidenly advice? MARIE I cherish what you say! Now, don?t ask twice! LOUISE The filtered tales that reach my cloistered ears I?m sure are just the tip of what one hears Out in the streets of Paris, at Versailles, But as your aunt-in-law and elder, I Believe my duty is to give to you A brief precis of rumors that ensue. MARIE I hang on tenterhooks, Madame. Proceed. LOUISE I?ll make an effort to condense the screed That flies against you everywhere today. Economy is not your strength, they say. Your dressmaker, that Mademoiselle?-? MARIE Bertin. LOUISE My correspondents just don?t understand How she can charge you twice the going rate! And all those horses! My dear, you must hate It said that ?half her stable she should sell Since, truth be told, she doesn?t ride that well.? Extravaganzas at Versailles, your fetes?- You don?t mind, do you? MARIE Madame, no regrets! LOUISE Your parties are much better known for waste Than wit, imagination, grace or taste. Again, these aren?t my words?-I don?t attend?- MARIE You?re not invited. LOUISE No, for I must spend My life?- MARIE ?-Eternity?- LOUISE ?-In cloistered bliss. Just think of all the gossip that I miss! I tell you this for your own benefit-- That people call you ?Madame Deficit.? MARIE Madame Louise, I?m glad I can rely On older people pleased to verify That libels such as these abound in France. I?m grateful that you shared your confidence And hope that you won?t mind if I share too. LOUISE Of course not! MARIE Good. Here?s what I?ve heard of you. From Paris our Lieutenant of Police Reports to me each morning every piece Of slander that is circulating there About such serious matters as my hair. As sad and crazy as it sounds, some prigs Discuss all day the scandal of my wigs! While I?m amused that people find my clothes A more important topic than expos- -Ing how the clergy live in luxury?- Despite supposed vows of poverty?- One sordid bit of calumny does grate Upon my royal nerves. It seems that late- -Ly Antoinette the Queen hates motherhood So very much she?s joined the brotherhood Of pederasts in practice, goes down south, And satisfies her husband in her mouth. This traitor to our race now takes no chance And swallows all the future kings of France! I must return this gossip?s gunnery, Which we?ve traced back right to this nunnery. LOUISE (After a moment, caught, furious.) We cannot have a queen who?s like a punk And relishes the sour taste of spunk. MARIE That?s earthy language for a nun! But no Surprise?-hypocrisy will always show. Oh, have I touched a tender nerve? Don?t squirm? We know I know you know the taste of sperm. But is it sour all the time or does It change with what men eat? My Louis was Quite sweet. I?m sure you?ve sampled creamy, tangy, tart, And spicy, salty?-served you a la carte. Or are exotic flavors more your style? Like wormwood, gall, or garlic?-no fear, I?ll Go on and on and on?-I won?t be dumb Before a gourmand in cuisine of cum. LOUISE It?s been described to me by wayward nuns Who?ve scuttled off and been returned. It stuns Me that you?d speak to me in such a tone, When all I?ve done is offer help. You?ve shown As little gratitude as naughty girls Who show up here so I can salve the world?s Abuse of their soft innocence with cures I?ve learned. Then?-back they run into the sewers! I?ve never tasted men nor touched their skin. Just smelled on girls the bitter whiff of sin. MARIE You dare complain of tone and courtesy? I?ve stood, you?ve sat-- LOUISE Well, I have pleurisy. MARIE And you have yet to offer me a chair. Who?s queen here, Sister? LOUISE (Starting to get up.) I need air! MARIE (Forcing LOUISE back down into the chair.) Oh, no you don?t! Stay seated for your health. I won?t forget you?ve offered me a wealth Of information here today. I owe You an intelligence, ergo: My Louis sends affectionate regards And, if you weren?t a cloistered nun, milliards Of kisses. But he also hopes that you Will not get too distraught or misconstrue His thought when you hear that he plans to call A gathering of the Estates General. LOUISE But that would be the end! MARIE Of what, Madame? LOUISE The monarchy! Why, must I diagram This country?s problem for you, silly child? Convene all three Estates? France would go wild! MARIE He said to say that he?d find beautiful A monarchy that?s constitutional. LOUISE (Gasping.) He mustn?t! I shall tell him?-please convey?- MARIE Impart your wisdom in your usual way, With whispered rumors, falsehoods and canards That find their way from Carmelite dooryards Across the country then at last to court. LOUISE I cannot breathe?-please call?-! MARIE (Doing nothing to help.) I shall report To Louis that Madame is feeling spry?- I pray that will not be another lie. Lights fade on LOUISE gasping and struggling in her chair. The SEAMEN appear and begin to change the set. DE COIGNY appears and goes to MARIE, helping her into an elegant traveling cloak. DE COIGNY She took the bait? MARIE The hook is in her gut. Despite my taunts, she won?t keep her mouth shut. The SEAMEN carry the struggling LOUISE away in her chair, then return to transforming the set. DE COIGNY hands MARIE a gardenia that she affixes to her hair. DE COIGNY But will the King react as you predict? MARIE Within mere days, he?ll have his conscience pricked. When all of France believes he?s on the verge Of calling the assembly, he?ll emerge To meet their expectations and proclaim A policy to set their hearts aflame. The SEAMEN continue transforming the set until it is the deck of an American whaling vessel. Sound effects, seagulls, etc., complete the mis-en-scene. LOUIS, now wearing his royal traveling regalia, appears with RICHARD, who is giving him a tour of the ship. RICHARD Then after I harpoon the mighty beast He tows the boat an hour or two at least. It?s usually on the surface, but they sound Sometimes?-that?s dive, to you?-and can?t be found Till they come up to breathe. LOUIS A whale breathes air? DE COIGNY But isn?t it a fish? RICHARD That?s true, but they?re In many ways much more akin to us. I?ve never known a fish made noise or fuss, But once I heard a whale scream. LOUIS My God! RICHARD I had bad luck, fell from a boat. I trod The water for a bit, then saw the whale, Harpooned, exhausted, aimed at me--full sail! I sank beneath the waves then heard a boom That shivered through the water like the doom Of all the world. Some clicks and then a wheeze. The creature died as nicely as you please. LOUIS Marie, did you hear that? The whale screamed. MARIE You?re sure it wasn?t something that you dreamed? RICHARD Oh, when I dream, I hope it?s not of fish. MARIE Well, then, Monsieur, I hope you get your wish. RICHARD (Nervous, pointing.) The tryworks here, are where we boil the skin, The blubber full of oil, and put it in Those barrels over there. LOUIS But you don?t cook The spermaceti oil? RICHARD You?ve read a book Or two on whaling! LOUIS Studied up a bit. My knowledge shouldn?t be inadequate If I?m to found this industry in France. But tell me please, so I that can advance. In French it?s cachalot, in English sperm.? Can you explain the meaning of this term? RICHARD (Somewhat embarrassed in front of MARIE.) It?s technical biology?- MARIE Of course. RICHARD Within the creature?s skull he stores the source Of reproductive function?- LOUIS Please speak plain. RICHARD His head is full of seed! And when you drain It out, you see it takes up all the room! MARIE He?s just like any man, then, I assume. LOUIS Proportionally, Marie?- DE COIGNY Imagine that! MARIE Then Louis, you could never wear a hat! LOUIS The spermaceti oil is why this trade Is worth so much to us. So far it?s made Rich men of Quaker paupers overseas. DE COIGNY How is this trade so lucrative? RICHARD We squeeze The money out of every whale. The oil Of spermaceti, if it doesn?t spoil, Becomes the finest candle wax on earth. (Gives them white tapers.) It doesn?t smoke or stink, and so it?s worth The weight of many tapers made by bees. No tallow holds a candle next to these. I sometimes wonder whether it would vex A whale to know we get light from his sex. But sperm whales offer more to us than wax. (Finds some oil and puts a few drops on their hands.) The whale oil from the blubber also acts As lubricant that?s slick and thick as slime But doesn?t get all clotted over time. MARIE It?s nice and slippery. LOUIS (Grabbing MARIE?S greasy hand in his own.) And makes me feel As if my hand had turned into an eel. (MARIE gives a little shriek of pleasure.) DE COIGNY (Trying to figure out where to clean his hand.) But as an oil, it?s hard to get off, right? LOUIS If you haven?t used it yet for that, you might. (Giggles naughtily with MARIE.) RICHARD (Wiping his hands on his dirty shirt.) Oh, I just wipe it on my shirt. DE COIGNY We can?t. RICHARD Well, sure you can. (Grabs DE COIGNY?S hands and wipes them on his own [RICHARD?S] shirt.) MARIE Oh, my! DE COIGNY Oh, dear! RICHARD Just plant Em here. DE COIGNY, MARIE, and LOUIS all wipe their hands all over RICHARD?S shirt. RICHARD I might catch fire?-I?m volatile! DE COIGNY What do you mean? LOUIS That whale oil?s flammable! Do you have lamps?-? (RICHARD produces a lit lamp.) You see how clean it burns? Compare it to the olive Europe spurns In favor of this liquid gold. This light Will lead us out of economic night Into a bright and prosperous new day. MARIE I feel a bit left out. LOUIS What?s that you say? MARIE This fish does not make whalebone, does it? RICHARD No. MARIE Then pardon me if I?m not all aglow. RICHARD (Inspecting her buttons, perhaps too closely.) These ivory buttons are all sperm whale teeth. You scratch a woman?s clothes, a whale?s beneath. MARIE I beg your pardon! Am I zaftig, then? LOUIS No German, please! RICHARD I?m sorry, dont-- MARIE You men! It?s all economy with you! LOUIS Why not? This fish is gold! MARIE I won?t move from this spot Till you acknowledge that each candle fire, Each lamp, is some poor whale?s funeral pyre. (Starts popping off her buttons.) And now I realize with every breath That I?ve bedecked myself with pretty death! LOUIS Marie, a whale?s a soul-less animal! MARIE Is their blood warm or cold? RICHARD It?s hot. MARIE You call That soul-less? LOUIS Yes, just like a cow or horse. And you eat them quite happily. MARIE Of course. I know I?m oversensitive, it?s just?- LOUIS I want to go a-whaling. MARIE No! LOUIS I must! You can?t control my every move, you know. MARIE What?s that supposed to mean? LOUIS I?ll show You later what my auntie wrote to me About your visit to her nunnery. You?ll not shame me to make me do your will. MARIE Oh, Louis, for the love of France?- LOUIS Be still! Please don?t forget that I?m the king, not you. And I?m the one who?s really French, now, too. (When MARIE sulks.) Oh, sweetheart, you?re so pretty when you sulk. I know you mean well with your plots, the bulk Of which aren?t too hare-brained. But I?m the one Who?s got the plan for France. And whaling?s done America some good. Just think of all The products come from whales?- RICHARD We left one small But precious product out. LOUIS What?s that? RICHARD It?s this. (Plucking the gardenia from MARIE?S hair.) A flower?s scent can live in ambergris For years and years, when otherwise it dies In days. LOUIS Of course! The fish delights the eyes But even more the nose, we may presume. A sperm whale fixes fragrance in perfume With ambergris, a substance pure as frank- --Incense. But where?s it come from, Monsieur Yank? RICHARD Nobody knows. Sometimes it?s found afloat Upon the sea. I heard an anecdote About a whale who puked it up when caught?- LOUIS My God! To think this substance highly sought Is from the indigestion of a whale! Miraculous these creatures are! Let?s sail! RICHARD (Looking at the sky.) A gale is on the way. Let?s wait. LOUIS How soon May I accompany your ship? RICHARD At noon Tomorrow we?ll take to the open sea. Of course, there is the matter of the fee. LOUIS (Laughs, hands RICHARD money.) You hear, Marie? I?m off! So buy a dress, A chateau in Provence?-it?s taken less To make you feel better in the past. Think of all the jewels you?ve amassed. Forget Estates General. Leave that to men. Instead, go mount a little play again. (Taking RICHARD?S arm as they leave together.) I take it as a sign from God that we Have met. We?ll change the country?s destiny! DE COIGNY (After LOUIS and RICHARD have left.) So much for that. MARIE Oh, shut up. DE COIGNY Now we?re sunk. MARIE What kind of attitude is that? My trunk Of tricks is far from bare. We fail? Oh, no, there?s many ways to skin a whale. As tired as I am of running things And sick to death of playing queens and kings, I?m still the mistress of my master?s mood. Remember that poor peasant who was rude Enough to beg him for a king?s embrace? DE COIGNY The frumpy dumpling with the pock-marked face? MARIE A country maid who truly loves her king?- Her love of gold?s a much more useful thing. A coin I sent ahead to work its spell Bought my poor Louis happiness as well. DE COIGNY I see you haven?t really lost your touch. MARIE Manipulating Louis? Don?t take much. DE COIGNY I often think you?d make a stronger king. It?s what France needs as much as anything. MARIE It is my lot to work behind the scenes-- We must resort to supernatural means. DE COIGNY Religious hoaxes once again? MARIE Why not? DE COIGNY To have him heal fake scrofula has got To be the cheapest trick we?ve ever played. MARIE It worked. DE COIGNY We can?t repeat ourselves. MARIE This trade In blubber seems so mystical to him. I wonder if we can?t transform his whim Into some sort of message from beyond. Those seamen?s ghostly tales of which he?s fond Might be the means we?re seeking. DE COIGNY And that man! MARIE Profoundly influential! If you can Would you approach him on the Queen?s behalf? DE COIGNY And ask him to do what? He?ll only laugh In raucous disbelief at our intrigues. MARIE I have a feeling he might travel leagues To please the Queen. DE COIGNY Or earn a little cash. MARIE More to the point, of course. DE COIGNY Would he be rash Enough to back up our outrageous lies? MARIE Let?s call them tales, they?re lies, but in disguise. I think he likes to fib. Just be discreet, And flatter him, arrange for us to meet. As Louis said, I?ll have a play put on. The whaler as Tartuffe, the King?-Orgon. It?s perfect casting, no? LOUIS (Appearing with RICHARD.) Marie, my sprite! I want to get a healthy rest tonight! MARIE I?ll sing you chanties till we fall asleep. LOUIS Tomorrow we?ll be sailing on the deep. (To MARIE.) He just confessed that he?s the bastard son Of that red-headed?- RICHARD --Thomas Jefferson. MARIE (Giving DE COIGNY a significant look.) Monsieur, you?re clearly all that we could wish For in a guide to take us chasing fish. LOUIS (As they leave.) When we get home, I?ll spank your little butt. MARIE (Flirtatiously.) I know that I deserve it, dear. LOUIS (Affectionately.) You slut! MARIE and LOUIS disappear. DE COIGNY regards RICHARD for a moment. DE COIGNY Now?-Thomas Jefferson? RICHARD Yes, you heard right. He?s quite an active gentleman at night. DE COIGNY The author of democracy, they say. RICHARD At home he?s well regarded in that way. DE COIGNY It does explain a lot. RICHARD Regarding me? DE COIGNY You?re not the bumpkin you pretend to be. RICHARD A natural son pretends his whole life Because his mum is not his father?s wife. DE COIGNY Your French has much improved in recent days You?re educated, too. RICHARD (Shrugs.) My father pays. But I have been a whaler for two years, Not just to feed my loving father?s fears. Since I was born, I?ve felt the sea was home. Out on the water, cutting through the foam, You cannot hide from God. It?s true. It?s pure. DE COIGNY Have you spent time in seminary? RICHARD You?re Good! Yale Divinity, in fact. DE COIGNY It shows. RICHARD Dropped out, of course. DE COIGNY And that shows, too. RICHARD I chose A more adventurous path to meet my God. DE COIGNY You?d like to meet a Queen? RICHARD Alone? DE COIGNY No prod- -Ding needed here! Yes, late tonight. I?ll send A message telling where. RICHARD You can depend On me to serve the Queen. DE COIGNY It isn?t what You think. So please try not to get all hot. She hopes that you will do a homily About the precepts of democracy. RICHARD For whom? DE COIGNY The King. RICHARD How much? DE COIGNY Negotiable. Our King is very bright but gullible. The price goes up if you?ll embellish truth. RICHARD No problem there. DE COIGNY Quite so. I blame your youth. (Departing, as the lights change.) I hope I may be frank: you lie with ease. RICHARD (Alone.) But lies give birth to greater verities. Lighting on RICHARD changes. It is the next day, still on the ship, but now sound effects and lighting make it clear the ship is under sail. LOUIS arrives with MARIE, both wearing their version of whaling attire. LOUIS The dream awoke me hours before the dawn, And then I couldn?t sleep again, just yawn And shiver at the awful memory. MARIE A nightmare? Can you give a summary? I?d give a treasury of louis d?ors To find a remedy to end your snores. LOUIS I stood upon a treeless plain alone. No rock or refuge from relentless sun, And yet a thunder grumbled through the sky. The sound grew louder, shook the earth, and I Prepared to run but didn?t know which way The roar was coming from. The grand melee Surrounded me and clouds of dust arose, Encircling like a noose can interpose Betwixt a man and life. And then I saw The source of the commotion?-stared in awe And panic at the sight! A herd of sheep?- MARIE But counting mutton usually helps you sleep! LOUIS It wasn?t only ewes and rams and lambs?- A herd of veal followed with their dams! And then a thousand sucklings, boars and sows Enlisted in this force of sheep and cows! And while the vanguard thundered on the ground, Above me in the air I heard a sound?- A million flapping wings and angry squawks Of chickens, pigeons, guineas, geese and hawks! A cloud of vicious birds a mile high With every razor beak aimed at my eye! I tried to duck the ducks, and got my wish Until the air around me filled with fish! The salmon, trout, shark, jellyfish and pike, The porpoise, tuna, sturgeon, and the like All swam as if the very atmosphere Had turned to water, then one bit my ear! The first blood drawn, the signal to attack, They tore off tidbits of my legs, my back, My scalp, my hands outstretched to ward them off?- No use?-they rushed me like a feeding trough! All denizens air and sea, yes, every beast A famished epicure and I the feast. Although my eyes were gobbled first, I still Could see the hungry creatures have their fill. They butchered me with beak and tooth and claw, My flesh all gone, my bones were left to gnaw. Though somehow conscious, I knew I was dead And not a bit remained except my head A-staring at the sky with empty eyes, The sockets meanwhile nibbled by some flies. MARIE No wonder you could not get back to bed?- A pillow?s not much good for just a head! LOUIS What could it mean, a dream this dark and fell? MARIE Perhaps that yesterday you ate too well. LOUIS You could be right, I should have eaten less. I am experiencing queasiness. MARIE Now that you mention it, I?ve never seen Your royal person look so very?- LOUIS, suddenly quite seasick, stumbles to the side and vomits. MARIE (Signaling to DE COIGNY, who appears.) ?-Green. Oh, Louis, dear! (Comforting him.) RICHARD He?ll get his sea-legs soon. DE COIGNY Not soon enough! It?s now late afternoon And we?ve been underway for several hours. RICHARD Whales don?t swim close to shore to smell the flowers. Sound effect of a whale spouting. MARIE, tending to LOUIS at the rail, notices, but DE COIGNY and RICHARD do not. MARIE Excuse me, but?- DE COIGNY This jaunt is for the King He?s been so sick he?ll miss the whole thing. (To LOUIS.) Your Majesty, should we turn back? LOUIS (Weakly, then returning to puking.) Oh, no! RICHARD You see, a most determined King?-bravo! DE COIGNY Harpoon a porpoise?-small, but that will be Enough to satisfy the royalty. MARIE I thought that spout of water meant?- RICHARD I can?t Produce a whale out of a hat. They?re scant This close to Europe nowadays. We?re plucked These northern waters clean, so now we?re fucked Unless we go to southern seas. DE COIGNY Then why Mislead the King, build up his hopes and try To find a whale where there are none? MARIE (Looking out.) There goes?-! RICHARD They migrate here sometimes. MARIE Oh, there she?- A splash of water from a spouting whale comes over the side and soaks RICHARD. MARIE ?-Blows! MARIE signals DE COIGNY, who attends LOUIS as MARIE goes to RICHARD. RICHARD The whale has baptized me?- (Revels in the wet.) ?-And cleansed my sin, Prepared me for the ritual I begin. AMERICAN WHALER (Rushing by, disappearing.) There she blows! Harpooner, to the boat! RICHARD I know we said last night that?- MARIE I outvote You on this one. (Gives him money.) Here?s more incentive, dear. Go out and catch a nasty whale?-no fear! ANOTHER WHALER (Rushing by, disappearing.) There she blows! A big one, too! MARIE Be off! RICHARD It?s not just for the cash?-! MARIE Don?t make me scoff! RICHARD A whaler takes his life into his hand Each and every time the boats are manned. We lost the mate to sharks the last time out?- I hope that I return?- MARIE (Pointing.) Another spout! One last look at MARIE, then RICHARD dashes off. MARIE What is a man, next to a nation?s pain? The truth? I?ll never see his sort again. DE COIGNY (Calling MARIE.) Your Majesty! MARIE (Going to LOUIS.) Louis! The boats are down! They?re in pursuit! Lift up your royal crown! LOUIS (Trying to look, very wobbly.) They are? Oh, no! Just lifting his head makes him vomit again. He drops his head. MARIE That?s all right, dear. Just rest. We?ll tell you what we see. Don?t be distressed. DE COIGNY The fish is on the surface, unawares. MARIE The boats are pulling closer?- DE COIGNY Say your prayers?- MARIE The boat that Richard?s in is first in line. Harpoon is raised?- DE COIGNY He throws it hard! It?s?-! MARIE Fine! He?s hit it on the back! DE COIGNY I think it stuck! MARIE The whale reacts by plunging! DE COIGNY Now, good luck! The line attached is whipping out?-! MARIE There?s smoke! DE COIGNY It didn?t dive below! MARIE But goes for broke Upon the surface of the sea, and tows The boat like we would pull a toy. The throes Of battle are begun! Oh, my! DE COIGNY What?s that? It?s vast! MARIE The tail, I think! It?s taller than a mast! DE COIGNY Now, don?t exaggerate! MARIE I?m not?-it?s big! DE COIGNY It?s gone. It got away. MARIE That whirligig Is spinning still?-the line remains stuck fast. The whale dove beneath the waves and cast Itself into the deep. DE COIGNY So now we wait? MARIE The line is playing out?-but, no, it?s slack. You think it broke? Sound of the whalers in the boat shouting. DE COIGNY (Peering.) What?s wrong? MARIE The whale turned back! It?s coming up! The men peer in the wave Beneath the boat with fear, but what can save Them from the awful monster down below? DE COIGNY I see a shape! It?s black and huge! MARIE They run?-! DE COIGNY But where? There?s nowhere they can go! MARIE They?re done- -For! (Screams, then stares in horror.) DE COIGNY It burst up directly underneath The boat! The fragile craft within the teeth Of the Leviathan! The men fly all Like puppets to the sky?- MARIE Oh, Dick?-! DE COIGNY Then fall! Sound of a splash as in a separate area of the stage, RICHARD falls into view on a wire or bungee cord. His clothes are wet, and he ?swims? in the air, struggling to the surface of the water. LOUIS (Moaning.) Where?s Richard now? RICHARD ?swims? to the surface of the water (a slightly higher level in the air). DE COIGNY I see him! MARIE There he is! RICHARD Now, look sharp lads! He?s coming back! It?s his Chance for revenge! DE COIGNY The other boats row close To save the drowning boys. RICHARD He?s bellicose, This bastard! MARIE It?s among the floating men. What mischief will it make? DE COIGNY The tail! For a fraction of a moment, a shadow passes between RICHARD and the light that illuminates him. RICHARD closes his eye for a prayer. RICHARD (Opening his eyes, after the shadow passes.) Amen! Sounds of a man?s scream, then a giant smack of the tail upon the water. RICHARD reacts to the sight. MARIE Oh, that poor man! DE COIGNY It crushed him with its tail! RICHARD ?swims? and finds his harpoon. MARIE It?s circling back! RICHARD Come on, you beast! Vile whale! DE COIGNY Now what?s he doing? Taunting it? RICHARD Get me! MARIE Distracting it to let the others be! RICHARD You ton of blubber, fiend the devil sent, I challenge you?-I?m in your element! Now fight a man who knows you well. Come glide This way so I can stick this in your hide! DE COIGNY Out of his mind! MARIE It?s headed straight his way! DE COIGNY The mouth?-! MARIE It?s opening! DE COIGNY That vast array Of monstrous teeth! MARIE The mighty jaws agape! DE COIGNY It?s closing in! MARIE But can he still escape? RICHARD Now that?s it, brute! You dare destroy our boat? I?ll pay you back and shove this down your throat! MARIE No, Richard, please! DE COIGNY Swim sideways, fool! RICHARD Come on! DE COIGNY Get out of there! MARIE That mouth! RICHARD (Lunging with his harpoon.) Die, beast! MARIE (A scream.) He?s gone! The light on RICHARD instantly goes out and he disappears from view. MARIE and DE COIGNY peer silently for a moment. MARIE He?s?- DE COIGNY ?-Definitely?- MARIE ?-Gone. DE COIGNY It swallowed him. MARIE It couldn?t have. DE COIGNY But otherwise he?d swim Or float away. Dead or alive, we?d see. He wouldn?t sink. MARIE Then he?s alive. DE COIGNY Can?t be. MARIE Like Jonah, he?s alive inside the whale! DE COIGNY The crushing teeth?! MARIE Be quiet! Most men are frail And don?t survive such shocks. But Richard?s strong?- DE COIGNY Now, even so, he won?t last very long. He?s sentenced to a horrid death as food To that great beast. Confined in solitude?- MARIE Then we must get him out! (Peering.) A new harpoon Is sticking in its side! DE COIGNY That?s opportune?- The fish is rolling on its back! MARIE It?s dead?- Or dying, isn?t it? LOUIS (Lifting his head.) It?s overfed?- A mighty stomach ache. MARIE No, dear, that?s you. DE COIGNY They?re stabbing it with lances. MARIE Then it?s true?- LOUIS He can be saved! DE COIGNY Your majesties, I must Diminish hope. He?s surely dead, just trust Me on this one. As DE COIGNY talks about RICHARD?S plight, RICHARD appears in light, still suspended about four feet above the stage. He struggles as if he is confined, he strains to breathe. Low level bangs, booms, and clicks can be heard: the internal sounds of the whale dying. DE COIGNY For even if the jaws Don?t masticate, defy the natural laws That govern nourishment, the belly?s not A cozy habitat that?s ever sought By any prey. There will be little air, The lack of which will certainly impair His chances of survival in that hell. The ACIDS (two men) appear standing below the suspended RICHARD, and begin their work. DE COIGNY (Cont.) But should he find some air and breathe it well, He?s only prolonged agony and pain. The stomach is an acid hurricane DE COIGNY (Cont.) That buffets all within till it?s consumed. When that begins, poor Richard?s surely doomed. His clothing can?t protect him very much, And soon will be in tatters. The ACIDS rip away most of RICHARD?S clothing, leaving pale, ragged remnants. DE COIGNY (Cont.) Bile and such Will then attack his skin. He?ll bleach at first, In slow and torturous pain, dissolve at worst. They?ll eat at him until there?s not a shred Of dermis left, and yet he?s still not dead. The ACIDS stroke RICHARD?S skin, leaving white marks, until all his skin is bright, dead white. DE COIGNY (Cont.) Then simultaneously, his hair will melt Until there?s not a whisker on his pelt. A closer shave than barbers can perform, The smoothest of his life, perhaps too warm. The ACIDS pull off RICHARD?S hair, beard and eyebrows, leaving pale baldness. DE COIGNY (Cont.) He?ll close his eyes as tightly as he can, But these corrosives infiltrate a man Through every crevice, every tiny pore. So soon he will be blinded evermore. The ACIDS stroke RICHARD?S closed eyes, leaving them open and staring. DE COIGNY (Cont.) But evermore won?t be so very long, For even if our Richard is as strong As iron, bold as brass or hard as steel?- The ACIDS spin RICHARD on the rope. He goes into a fetal position. DE COIGNY (Cont.) Eventually he?ll soften as a meal, Becoming one with his enormous host And we will only know him as a ghost. The lights go out on RICHARD and the ACIDS. LOUIS (Staggering but rallying.) Then we will save him if it?s possible From dying in this way most horrible! (Calling to the whalers in the boats.) I want that whale?s stomach brought to me! DE COIGNY You haven?t heard a word, your Majesty! He?s whale-chow now, he couldn?t be alive! LOUIS We must have faith that somehow he?ll survive. Last night I got a warning this would be: My gruesome nightmare was a prophecy. MARIE But if your dream comes true, we?ll find his head And nothing more. It?s sad, but so?-he?s dead. Not even kings can rule over death. Our Richard?s surely drawn his final breath. The TWO WHALERS rather reluctantly bring the whale?s stomach to the king. It is disgusting: huge and slimy, covered with blood. LOUIS Look, there it is! The whale?s enormous gut! Just put it on the deck so you can cut It open. DE COIGNY This is futile! MARIE And it?s gross! There?s blood! It stinks! Louis, don?t stand so close! LOUIS We can?t be squeamish and still save his life! Movement from inside the stomach. LOUIS (Cont.) It moved! He?s still alive! Who has a knife? WHALER I?ve got one, but?- DE COIGNY That?s just a reflex nerve. LOUIS (Grabbing the knife.) Then he who would be King must also serve! LOUIS hacks open the stomach. Fluids pour out. MARIE Oh, Louis, no! The blood! That outfit?s new! LOUIS Now, Richard, friend, as foul fluids spew Recall the words of he who fished for men: To follow me you must be born again! The moment that LOUIS cuts a big enough slit in the stomach, RICHARD sits bolt upright through the hole, gulping air. LOUIS jumps back and gasps, as do the others, for RICHARD looks awful. Not only is he covered with blood and fluids like a newborn, his skin is stark white and there?s not a hair on his body. A second later, he reaches out his hands to feel his way?-because he is now blind. The shock of this violent movement, combined with the powerful reek of the stomach?s interior, is too much for the already queasy LOUIS. He dashes to the rail and vomits again. MARIE Oh, Richard! DE COIGNY God, he lives! RICHARD reacts to MARIE?S voice, reaching blindly for her. MARIE But he?s so weak! Let?s wipe him clean! Get rags! Dear, can you speak? RICHARD turns toward MARIE and tries to talk, but all that comes out of his mouth is a strange booming, banging sound?-the sound of the dying whale. Everyone stares at RICHARD, then at each other. Even LOUIS turns back from retching at the rail. RICHARD makes whale-like clicking noises, then another mournful boom that echoes as the lights fade to black. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO Versailles. MARIE, LOUIS and DE COIGNY. DE COIGNY How fares your houseguest? LOUIS Well, he didn?t die, But won?t eat, so we brought him to Versailles. MARIE Louis devotes himself to Richard. None May come between him and his long-lost son. LOUIS No delicacy that our chefs have made Has tempted him one bit. He?s like a shade Of his old self. He?s blind and losing weight, And not a single hair grows on his pate. MARIE He hasn?t said a word, just makes those sounds, Those haunting moans and booms. His case confounds Our doctors?-treatments come to no avail. DE COIGNY He?s their first patient swallowed by a whale! The second man in history to live Through that. So judging from the first, forgive Me, please, but you can bet your miniver He?ll soon be preaching doom to Nineveh! LOUIS It is a miracle that he?s not dead, But what is going on inside his head? MARIE and DE COIGNY exchange a knowing look. MARIE It?s hard to tell, with all those clicks and hums. I?m sure he?ll speak again. The moaning/booming sound is heard. LOUIS Hush, here he comes. Still uttering his moan/boom, RICHARD is escorted by a SERVANT. RICHARD has been dressed for court, in finery unlike anything he?s ever known. He is still bald and bleached, and holds onto the SERVANT with one hand and gropes blindly before him with the other. LOUIS (Cont.) Good morning, Richard, son. Had breakfast yet? SERVANT No, Your Majesty, he hasn?t et. LOUIS (Taking RICHARD?S hands, loudly.) You poor boy, do you still insult our chef? MARIE My dear, I think he?s blind and dumb, not deaf. LOUIS embraces RICHARD. DE COIGNY (Quietly, to MARIE.) That pallor?s rather fetching, don?t you think? LOUIS (Not so loud.) Let?s ask the chef to make something to drink. And then some seafood: octopus and shrimp. DE COIGNY So bald and smooth?-! LOUIS And scallops?-mustn?t scrimp! RICHARD (Transitioning from his whale sounds.) Sssss! Ssss! MARIE (Quietly, to DE COIGNY.) You are depraved. Please don?t incite me so! LOUIS He?s trying to talk! DE COIGNY (Quietly.) I?m getting vertigo! LOUIS He said a word. At least I think he did. If you?d shut up! DE COIGNY Oh, sorry. LOUIS He said?- RICHARD Sssssquid. LOUIS Now what was that? Speak up. That wasn?t clear. DE COIGNY To me it sounds like ?squid.? MARIE How very queer. LOUIS Oh, not at all! Do you want squid, my lad? RICHARD Squid. Hungry. LOUIS Yes, of course. We?re very glad You?re talking now. So?-anything you want! A squid, a school of fish, a restaurant! RICHARD But?-raw?- LOUIS I?m having trouble getting you. Did you say ?raw?? DE COIGNY He did. MARIE Disgusting! LOUIS (To SERVANT.) Do Exactly as he says. Bring uncooked squid?- Lots of it. SERVANT But the chef won?t? LOUIS I forbid The chef to sear it even slightly. Raw! The SERVANT scuttles away. DE COIGNY (To MARIE, quietly.) I?ve got another squid for him to gnaw. LOUIS (To RICHARD.) You?ll be yourself in just a little bit. Can you talk more? What was it like? RICHARD (Reacting with pain.) The hit! LOUIS Those giant teeth! I thought you?d be more bruised. RICHARD Not teeth. The metal claw. MARIE Oh, he?s confused. RICHARD (Touching his back.) It hit me here. I tried to get away. LOUIS No, you were swallowed, eaten?- RICHARD Couldn?t stay Above, but when I tried to go below, The claw, it pulled me up, I couldn?t go. I turned up to the light, the clumsy fish Was floating on the top. Why would they wish To kill me, all these tiny creatures there? But I can kill them first, if they won?t spare My life. I swam up underneath, my jaws Agape. Kill or be killed, the moral laws Agree. I bit. The floating fish collapsed. The tiny beings scattered. Time elapsed So quickly. I must smash them one by one, Or they will stab me more?-I?ve seen it done. My tail a weapon, crushing one of them. But then, a sound, a weakling cough of phlegm Drew my attention. Here before me bobbed One of these creatures, then he quickly lobbed Another claw at me. I had no choice?- I ate him. But that did not still his voice! I heard barbaric noises in my gut, Distracting me. I tried to flee them, but A third claw jabbed into my skin! Then more! Now plunging deeper, faster than before! RICHARD collapses, and makes the biggest moan/booms he?s made yet. The others stare at him, then at each other for a moment. Finally LOUIS goes to comfort RICHARD. LOUIS Oh, please don?t relapse to those sounds again! We much prefer you speak the speech of men. MARIE What can these strange disordered words portend? DE COIGNY He?s lost his mind! Who wouldnt? LOUIS I?ll defend His honor. Don?t you understand? He is The fish. The fish is him. Its soul is his. Its body died while he was deep within, In essence he was part of it, begin- -Ning the digestive process. Now where could That lost soul flee but into him? This good And honest man who said he?s born to sail Has got his wish?-he?s turned into a whale! MARIE That?s far-fetched, dear. LOUIS But you have seen?- DE COIGNY A fit Of great proportion?- MARIE Nothing more. LOUIS Bullshit! We?ve evidence! His words are perfect proof! MARIE They?re only words. DE COIGNY Or lies. LOUIS Shut up, you pouf! If he?s deceiving us, why would he then? DE COIGNY The King called me a pouf! MARIE The hearts of men Are full of unknown motivations?- LOUIS Yes, But he does not care what we think. MARIE I guess. But is there still a man in there? Knock, knock! (Knocks on RICHARD?S head.) LOUIS Marie, that?s disrespectful! MARIE Poppycock! If he?s a whale, he?s nought but oil to us. DE COIGNY And we make candles of his sex. LOUIS Discuss This at your leisure. He?s a man to me. A whale as well. He?s what he wants to be. Now, Richard, or can we still call you that? Are you a man or whale? One caveat: It is the King who gives you this exam?- You must not fail, lad. RICHARD I am that I am. MARIE That?s ominous. DE COIGNY No shrinking violet there! So now he speaks for God? LOUIS He has a flair For prophecy. Of course! Tiresias Was blind, Cassandra mad! He?s come to us With words of wisdom no one understands. MARIE Let?s quiz him on the news of other lands. America?-how goes it there? RICHARD It?s free. The SERVANT returns with the raw squid. LOUIS You see, he?s kept his human memory. Ah, here at last?-the promised nourishment. SERVANT The squid. Uncooked. As it is placed before him, RICHARD, starts gorging on the squid with an appetite like, well, a whale. The SERVANT whispers in LOUIS? ear. LOUIS Eat to your heart?s content. I must be off. It seems I?m very late To sign a law or some affair of state. De Coigny, please attend to me. Marie, Can you see to our present company? MARIE (Watching RICHARD scarf the squid.) Of course, my dear. Though I anticipate A conversation lacking in debate. LOUIS His words are few, but oh so very wise. Be kind to this God sent us in disguise. LOUIS and DE COIGNY leave. RICHARD continues eating. MARIE All right, he?s gone. (RICHARD keeps eating.) Please stop?-I?m getting sick. (He continues eating.) Catch me?-I?m faint! (Swoons.) RICHARD (Throwing the remaining squid to the floor, catching her.) You never miss a trick! MARIE You?re getting smelly squid all on my dress. RICHARD Then take it off. MARIE That?s to the point, I guess! When you?re a man, you are a man. You pounce! RICHARD You?ll find I?m still a whale where it counts. MARIE Despite reports, I?m faithful to my King. RICHARD Then stay that way. You needn?t do a thing. (His hand goes in her dress. She reacts.) MARIE Hands off! I said I love my Louis-- RICHARD --But He?s not the man you crave-- MARIE Stop talking smut! I?ve servants everywhere. You?re too risque. RICHARD But I?m your servant, too, and want my pay. He kisses her. She struggles, but not much. Lights fade on RICHARD and MARIE. Lights up on DE COIGNY and LOUIS in a separate space. LOUIS His progress is encouraging, each hour He?s stronger, uses longer words. The power Of his cogitation has increased?- The mind of man, the energy of beast! DE COIGNY Still eating only squid? LOUIS He?s gone through rooms Of squid! Astonishing, what he consumes! DE COIGNY Still spouting silly democratic rant? LOUIS He?s an American, you know. He can?t Help that. Religious freedom is a theme As well. He?s got an interesting scheme For legally decreeing throughout France The sacred rights of Jews and Protestants. DE COIGNY You?re listening? LOUIS Of course, I am amused By much of what he says. But I have used A quote or two among my cabinet To great effect. His words are weird, and yet, That?s typical of prophets?-not believed Till it?s too late. I have not been deceived, But hear an underlying honesty Contrasting with the court?s vain flattery. RICHARD (Appearing.) This week I?ve made a study of the laws That fuel the revolutionary cause. At risk of sounding slightly negative, I think your tax reforms are tentative Or one might even say irresolute. DE COIGNY No, flattery is not his strongest suit. LOUIS You?re like a sibyl here on premises To point this out. (To DE COIGNY.) He tells it like it is. DE COIGNY It?s not as if you?ve not heard this before. LOUIS But his perspective?s too fresh to ignore. RICHARD My people suffered revolution, too. LOUIS America fought England, overthrew An empire overseas. Our discontent Is knocking at my door. RICHARD I represent Another race as well. LOUIS The whales, you mean? Then tell me of your people submarine. RICHARD You?ve only seen us floating in the sea Or processed into oil or wax. But we Were once so much like you. LOUIS You walked on land? RICHARD We breathe your air today. Give me your hand. (LOUIS gives RICHARD his hand.) Five fingers here, composed of blood and bone. A whale?s fin has fingers, too, not flesh alone. And there are five, just like a man?s, like yours. Where you have legs, a whale is smooth, but scores Of tiny bones are hidden in his side, The remnants of a strong and sturdy stride. LOUIS That whales may once have walked, I don?t dispute, But why and how?d they fall in disrepute And lose the privilege to roam the earth? RICHARD I wonder what that privilege is worth, When terra firma?s thrice outpaced by wet, And you can only sail the surface yet. LOUIS So you?re content to live in murky brine? DE COIGNY And eat raw squid? RICHARD It?s far too late to whine. But when we lived on land we ruled it all, So sometimes it?s nostalgic to recall The splendors of our royal race. LOUIS Such as? RICHARD The rocky island you call England has A plain on which we built a calendar To mark the days. A simple cylinder Of stone that heeds the sun. LOUIS That?s Stonehenge, then! RICHARD The pyramids are ours. LOUIS It?s said that men Could never have the strength to move those stones. RICHARD We were a race of giants and our bones Are often found today deep underground. Unluckily we still remained Earthbound. We conquered all the land, the sea, the air. Were masters of our universe, and there Were none upon the planet to contest My race. It took a higher force to wrest Us from our arrogant and happy place. LOUIS That?s God, you mean! RICHARD If God lives in the space Beyond the planets and the sun, you may Be right. The legend is that one bright day Our capital, an island paradise, Paid for our sins and made the sacrifice?- LOUIS What sins? RICHARD Im too ashamed to say out loud. This city was a glory crowned in cloud?- The architecture far outshone Versailles?- LOUIS Impossible! RICHARD We didn?t even try. For man was nothing in that gorgeous time, Beneath the notice of our paradigm. Too small, too weak, and not so very bright, Not worth a single thought, much less a fight. But look how you have prospered in our loss, When all our great achievements turned to dross. LOUIS What was the sacrifice?! Did they all drown? RICHARD We still don?t know for sure what brought us down. A judgment fell from heaven, balls of flame, That sank our city and destroyed our fame. The sea embraced my people as its own, We lost our legs, our fingers, and have grown Into the creatures known as whales today Who fuel your lamps and light your way. LOUIS Atlantis! RICHARD What? LOUIS The city?s name?-I?m sure! A continent that sank into obscure And almost nameless darkness in the sea. RICHARD You humans may have named our apogee Millennia beyond our golden age. DE COIGNY Now, let me understand you, Monsieur Sage: Atlantis, Stonehenge and the pyramids Built by Gargantuas who hit the skids And then degenerated into whales? LOUIS That?s what he said! DE COIGNY I guess the Holy Grail?s Theirs as well, and ancient Pompeii, too. LOUIS De Coigny, you?re a cynic and a shrew. These monuments concealed in mystery Have been revealed now by this history. His tale explains so much! DE COIGNY Oh, I attest To that! Too much, I think. Might I suggest That we recall the author of this tale Has had his soul coopted by a whale? LOUIS We live in extraordinary times?- DE COIGNY And witness extraordinary crimes Like this absurd and silly blasphemy. RICHARD I?m not at all concerned that you believe, But if the King does not, then I will grieve For France as for my dead ancestral home. How tragic if the French should have to roam Like whales?- LOUIS Or Jews! RICHARD ?-Because God?s wrath Fell on your capital as well. I see your path Is leading there. Your sins, like ours, to feast While others starve?- DE COIGNY This thing?-half man, half beast?- If we believe that this possession?s true?- Is not a creature to be listened to! RICHARD The arrogance of man! The pious scorn! Assuming you?re the highest creature born! You call yourselves in God?s own image made, But every species sees its glories fade And you?re just this year?s fashion. I?ve been sent To warn you of your peril. My descent Into this feeble flesh from nobler birth?- Your savior now incarnate here on earth! LOUIS and DE COIGNY stare in shock as the lights fade on them and come up on MARIE, wearing a cloak, once again talking with a seated SISTER LOUISE in her cell. MARIE carries a box. A portable bathtub is between them. MARIE Madame, I don?t have time for pleasantry? LOUISE That?s good, because you?re getting none from me. It?s time to have my therapeutic bath, You?re rushed?-I won?t deter you from your path. MARIE I?ve brought a gift, a crche from Portugal. LOUISE (Reluctantly accepting the box.) A bribe, you mean. MARIE It?s undeniable. LOUISE (Taking out figurines.) Religious, too. How you manipulate! MARIE You do collect ceramics? LOUISE As of late. Because they?re made of clay and so are we, They bring to mind our own fragility. (Breaks a figurine.) MARIE You?ve just destroyed the Mother of our Lord! LOUISE Your namesake, is she not? MARIE You can?t afford To flout me so. LOUISE In this ?enlightened? time All France is flouting God. I?m old. My crime Is judged by Him, and so are you. Oh, look! The three Wise Men--according to the Book They also came with gifts of gold and myrrh and frankincense. I don?t suppose you were The sort of girl who learned what each gift meant? MARIE Oh, I forget. LOUISE Well, then, with your consent-- (MARIE nods.) The frankincense for worshiping a god. And gold to pave the path a king has trod. But myrrh embalms the body of a man. MARIE Oh, I remember now--I think I can-- LOUISE They represent-- MARIE The natures of the Christ-- God, king, and man. LOUISE The pearl highly priced. MARIE (As they both smile.) Our paths converge from time to time, Madame. LOUISE Oh, look! How cute! A perfect little lamb! MARIE You are devoted to the monarchy? LOUISE With all my soul. And God, of course. MARIE Mais, oui! If you could save the ancien regime, Would you consider that succes d?estime? LOUISE But how could I, a nun encloistered here?-? MARIE Oh, stop! Your tentacles reach far and near. Did I say tentacles? No, influence Is what I meant. LOUISE I?m serving God?- MARIE And France. You shelter nuns who?ve run off, been abused, With special succor so they won?t look bruised Or set upon by men. LOUISE My charity. MARIE Your treatment?-I?ll avoid vulgarity?- Reduces swelling in their festering shame? LOUISE I clean them up?-God works his will. I claim No power of my own. But miracles Occur to those God loves and obstacles Just melt away like rain. Why do you ask? MARIE No fear, Madame?-I won?t take you to task, Though some might say you work against God?s will. LOUISE I never?-! MARIE Calm yourself, relax, be still. What if I should offer you a chance To save a girl, serve God, and render France A service that might save the monarchy? LOUISE We teeter on the verge of anarchy! MARIE One tiny push?-we fall in the abyss. LOUISE What kind of push? MARIE Oh, something such as this. MARIE removes her cloak to reveal a small but obvious pregnancy. LOUISE I?ll mince no words. I am your enemy. MARIE Whom God instructs to love. LOUISE This cannot be My nephew?s doing. MARIE No, it?s not. Else why Would I resort to you? LOUISE Just blink an eye, And I could have you ruined, arrested, killed! MARIE But no one else in France is quite so skilled, Or has a stake in monarchy. I fall, And France falls with me, though I know they call?- ?-You call!--- Marie a whore, this is the first I?ve strayed from Louis? bed. LOUISE This is the worst You could have done! But can?t you simply say The child belongs to Louis? MARIE There?s no way That that will work. The father and the King Are many worlds apart. They?re not a thing Alike. I?m certain that it would be known. LOUISE You reckless fool! You wait too long! You?ve grown For what?-? MARIE ?-Five?- LOUISE --Months! That?s weeks too late?- MARIE I didn?t say it was five months?-just wait?- LOUISE I?m never wrong. You?re five months gone. Delays Like this can seal a girl?s fate. MARIE Five days. LOUISE I?d say, if suicide was not a mortal sin?- Five...days? MARIE That?s right. LOUISE Impossible! MARIE I?m in The fifth day of this pregnancy, but look Five months along. LOUISE Then something?s wrong?- MARIE I took Precautions, but this child insists on birth And not in months, but days! My bursting girth Bespeaks a vigorous and healthy sprig Who?s going to be?-God save me!?-rather big. LOUISE I cannot save you from this monstrous child. MARIE Oh, come on, now, you?re hardly undefiled! While you have this on me, I?ve more on you! If either of us blabs, then both are through. But I shall advertise, if you insist, That you?re the country?s best abortionist. MARIE and LOUISE glare at each other as the lights on them fade. Lights up on LOUIS and RICHARD, suspended, swimming. RICHARD In water we are born, and to it shall return. LOUIS That?s true for whales?-for men it?s dust. RICHARD You yearn To swim again in waters of the womb, But at your death lie in a cold, dry tomb. While he who dies encradled in the sea, Is born again at once, quite instantly. In oceans life is all connected?-one. This murder you call whaling has begun To undermine that balance?-life and death. My people cannot surface, take a breath, Without a harpoon sticking in our backs! LOUIS Their deaths may yet save France with oil and wax?- RICHARD Already whaling ships seek southern climes To find the cachalots in former times Were feeding off your coasts and bred in bays Of Spain and Portugal. But now those sprays Of whales? deep exhales are rare up north?- My species seldom dares to venture forth. I beg that you, the King of France, set down A policy that shames the world around, And bans the taking of sperm whales?- LOUIS I can?t, unless our whaling venture fails?- RICHARD The economic woes of France have yet To be addressed. You can reduce the debt If you will spend more thoughtfully, Instead of wasting cash on frippery. LOUIS The people love the flash! I must uphold The Sun King?s standard, live a reign of gold?- RICHARD I don?t see golden showers trickling down Among your people. LOUIS When you wear a crown, Your life?s no longer yours, you?re forced to romp The public streets in circumstance and pomp. RICHARD The Sun King?s excess showed this continent Exactly how its gold should not be spent. And though a King for all modernity He?s not the greatest in eternity. Lights up on LOUISE pouring hot water into a bathtub that contains MARIE. LOUIS What king is greater than Louis Fourteen? None living, that?s for sure! None I have seen! No kings of history, not Charlemagne, Not Alexander, Caesar, Tamerlane, Elizabeth of England, Genghis Khan, A host of lesser monarchs, Solomon And Russia?s Peter (not so very great), Frederick Barbarossa, Henry Eight?- RICHARD These aren?t the kind of rulers that I mean. LOUIS Who then, the Queen of Sheba? Constantine? RICHARD Though other monarchs now are dead and gone, This humble King?s acclaim lives on and on. He had no earthly treasure to amass. His crown?-of thorn, his steed a lowly ass. His kingdom not of gain, but one of loss. He carried not a scepter, but a cross. Irritated and bested, LOUIS swims a little bit away from RICHARD. MARIE Be careful, that?s too hot! You?re scalding me! LOUISE To have the honey, one must brave the bee. MARIE I have baths all the time. How will this help? LOUISE (Still pouring.) If you start to blister, give a yelp. MARIE gasps at the heat but endures. RICHARD (Blindly swimming toward the petulant LOUIS.) I risk offending you each time I speak. LOUIS Then hold your tongue a while, albino freak. They swim in silence. MARIE I?ve soaked here for an hour. I?m a prune! If I stay any longer, I will swoon! LOUISE The heat is penetrating deep within To purify your shame and purge your sin. I?ll clean you in and out?- MARIE I?m getting bored! LOUISE ?-To make you ready to receive our Lord. MARIE Hold on a moment! I?m not gonna die! LOUISE Of course not! MARIE I?m a fool?-God knows, you?d lie! (Starts to get up.) That?s quite enough. LOUISE Please, just a moment more! MARIE (Clutching her belly and slipping back into the water.) What?s this? LOUISE A pain? MARIE Yes, sharp! Please help! LOUISE You whore! You?re used to being coddled all the time, But now you?ll pay a price that fits your crime! MARIE moans helplessly as LOUISE looks on. The lights on them dim. LOUIS I owe you an apology. I?m scared Of what the future holds. You dared Suggest a model for a righteous king, And though I know that?s true, a little thing Called crucifixion weighs upon my mind. If that?s your counsel, then I?m disinclined! RICHARD But sacrifice is central to the theme Of righteous governance. I might blaspheme But Christ, to drag his children from the mud, Has offered us his body and his?- Lights out instantly on RICHARD and LOUIS and up on MARIE and LOUISE. MARIE is still in the tub and LOUISE holds her hand. MARIE (A scream.) Blood! LOUISE (Looking into the tub.) The evil?s purging, that?s how it begins! Praise God! You?ll soon be free of sins! MARIE It won?t let go! LOUISE It?s coming. MARIE No, it?s not! LOUISE Be patient?-you?ve already passed a clot. MARIE This child?- LOUISE It?s not a child yet! MARIE ?-Though torn From in my womb, insists on being born In its own time, and now?s too soon. LOUISE Just try! It?s starting to poke forth. MARIE I?m gonna die! Please pull it out! LOUISE I can?t. My hands are clean. I?ve only given you a bath. MARIE I?m queen?- And order you on pain of death to pull! LOUISE It happens on its own! MARIE You?re pitiful! I?m not miscarrying?-I?ve been induced! You?ve killed this child?- LOUISE I?ve not! MARIE ?-Just like you?ve loosed A thousand other babes from bonds of life! LOUISE They usually rush to heaven, free from strife Of living?- MARIE This one won?t! It wants to live! LOUISE It does seem stuck?- MARIE It is! LOUISE (Positioning herself to pull.) May God forgive?! LOUISE pulls. MARIE shrieks and passes out. LOUISE falls back, her hands covered with blood. Silence for a moment as LOUISE sees her bloody hands. She gets up and goes to MARIE. LOUISE Your Majesty? Marie? It?s out at last. I?ll clean you up. Our thanks to God that?s past. LOUISE glances into the tub and is puzzled by what she sees. She peers more closely, then puts her hand to her mouth to stifle a scream that won?t come. Lights fade on LOUISE and MARIE and come up on LOUIS and RICHARD, still swimming. RICHARD Start small with sacrifice: The King agrees To let his people worship as they please. Their troubles are impossible to stem But you, at least, no longer feast on them. LOUIS I don?t devour my subjects! Don?t say that! RICHARD They sweat your daily bread. You?re getting fat. LOUIS This theme?-you make it sound so literal. It?s just a metaphor?- RICHARD Unnatural To eat one?s children, everyone agrees. Infanticides and cannibals?-of these Which is the worst? To eat your young combines These heinous sins, which means the one who dines On his own child must be cast down, destroyed, His power, however great, is null and void?- LOUIS I wonder if your passion for this sin Relates to your own people?s origin. You intimated some disgusting deed Caused God to cast them down and make them feed On squid and slime in fitting punishment. Your giant race, did they take nourishment From their own children? RICHARD Yes, it did occur. LOUIS Aha! Then I know who your people were! Lights fade on LOUIS and RICHARD and come up on DE COIGNY, MARIE, and LOUISE, who?s now in bed. MARIE looks fine. DE COIGNY Madame, your nephew sends you his regrets, And asks the Queen to don her briolettes Then rush home to Versailles. LOUISE (Reaching out, blindly.) What?s that? Who?s there? Is that a man I hear? What man would dare? MARIE She?s been delirious for days. (To LOUISE.) You?re ill, Madame. And though you?re safely cloistered still The strictest rules have been relaxed for you. LOUISE That can?t be right! DE COIGNY I?m from the King. It?s true. The Duc de Coigny come to take the Queen. LOUISE (Seizing his hand.) The Duc! At last you?ve come! What I have seen! So much to tell! MARIE She thinks you?re d?Orleans. DE COIGNY (Loudly, to LOUISE.) The Duc de Coigny? LOUISE Yes, my dear! Eons Have passed since you?ve been here. That girl, Your cousin?s whore?- DE COIGNY See here! MARIE Not for the world Would I prevent her speaking now! Let?s hear! LOUISE She?s turned out worse than I could ever fear! Remember?-on her very day of birth Great Lisbon fell when God?s wrath smote the earth. A horrid clap of thunder rent the sky The moment that she set foot at Versailles. As if these omens weren?t enough to heed, A hundred people died in a stampede The day she married Louis. He?s so dim He can?t see how she?s tricked and tainted him, Bewitched his little brain, so he might call A meeting of the Estates General. But if he does, you must give quick assent Then use it?-seize the reins of government Before he grants religious liberty To Protestants whose heinous heresy Will be the end of France! DE COIGNY Too late, Madame. MARIE He?s done it? DE COIGNY Yesterday he signed?- LOUISE I am Not well enough to hear this news?-I?m sick To death. To paradise, full gallop?-quick! MARIE And now you are her coachman, too. Farewell, Madame. LOUISE (Grabbing her hand.) Oh, Sister, one sweet drop of that prunelle. DE COIGNY (To MARIE as she gives LOUISE a tiny glass of liqueur.) And who are you? MARIE cautions him silence with a finger to her lips. LOUISE You?ve been so kind. MARIE (Kissing LOUISE?S forehead.) Adieu. You hate me, but you?ve been kind to me, too. MARIE leaves. LOUISE Lean in, I?ll whisper of that Antoinette A tale that?s got to be the worst thing yet! Lights dim on LOUISE and DE COIGNY as he leans in and she whispers in his ear. Lights up on MARIE and LOUIS. MARIE What news so vital summons me away From Auntie?s deathbed? LOUIS Louise died today? MARIE I missed that part?-the end of all her sneers: A moment Id been waiting for for years. LOUIS I know you loathed each other, even so, She once was good. MARIE In ways you?ll never know. What news? Our Richard?s well, I hope? LOUIS I?ve made A study of this man?s last gasconade About his ancestors the giants who Built Stonehenge, pyramids and Timbuktu. Remember how he said a sin had drawn God?s fierce and fiery anger down upon His kind? MARIE Oh, yes, and changed them into fish. LOUIS Now I?ve deciphered all that gibberish. He?s chided me while you were gone about Us eating peasant brats like so much trout. He kept it up and said there?s nothing worse?- MARIE I must agree. LOUIS Why something so perverse? Because that was his people?s sin?-my final clue. His people were the Titans. MARIE No! LOUIS It?s true! At least it makes a lot of sense. A race Of giants used their kids for bouillabaisse. Remember in Greek myth how Cronus feared A deadly prophecy and engineered To eat his children soon as they were born? MARIE Oh, hon, I didn?t read that stuff. LOUIS The warn- -Ing wasn?t heeded, or was heeded wrong, And Zeus was hidden, nurtured until strong Enough to cast his father down. MARIE That?s all? A lot of theory based on facts so small. LOUIS There?s more. He said Atlantis was theirs, too. And who?s Atlantis named for? MARIE Don?t know. Who? LOUIS It?s Atlas! MARIE So? LOUIS He was a Titan! MARIE Oh. (Sees DE COIGNY, signals him over.) Thank God you?re here! My husband?s turned Pierrot And clowns with me about that whaler?s pedigree. He says he comes from Titans. DE COIGNY I can see That now you bring it up. His current state?- It seems our Richard?s gained a little weight. LOUIS I meant to sayhe?s turned quite rubbery?- More to the point, he?s big and blubbery. MARIE Now, gentlemen, you?re ribbing me! LOUIS He?s huge! DE COIGNY He?s fat and gross! MARIE Don?t take me for a stooge! He?s eaten too much?- LOUIS Squid! MARIE That?s all. DE COIGNY What parts Of him are whale, what parts are man? It starts To sound intriguing. MARIE Oh, you?re bad. LOUIS My point Is that his warning?s not so out of joint. We?re living off our peasants? labor, not Quite eating them alive, but here?s a thought: If we reduce expenses, trim the debt, We might prevent a revolution yet. The King?s example leads nobility, So I?ve cut down on costs. First Equerry?- DE COIGNY Your Majesty? LOUIS Your job at court is gone. You?ll have to earn your living from now on. MARIE But Louis, that?s not fair! LOUIS He?s not alone. I?ve fired your dressmaker as well. MARIE You?ve thrown Them out while I was not at court? LOUIS That?s right. They?re gone. You?ve come back home too late to fight. DE COIGNY This whaler?s wacky schemes have gone too far! LOUIS It hurts when it hits home right where you are. But don?t despair. Don?t look so woebegone. Go find employment with Duc d?Orleans. LOUIS leaves, smiling smugly. DE COIGNY There?s proof! He?s never really liked me much. But you can talk him out of it?- MARIE Don?t clutch At straws. He?s right. We?ve grossly overspent. DE COIGNY But I?m reliant on emolument! Your little plot has run amok with weeds! The whaler?s planted far too many seeds! I?ve only you to blame for banishment, Elaborate plans to fake a man?s descent Into the bowels of a whale, then pop Him out to prophesy. But how to stop His blatherings? Now what?s your plan for that? What other clever scheme have you begat? You bleach and shave and pluck this pale boy, Unleash him on the world, a deadly toy?- MARIE Ill not take credityoure the mastermind, The modest genius! Only you could find A whales stomach just when needed, hide The poor, persuaded whaler deep inside DE COIGNY Oh, noyou taught him how to make that noise MARIE But you did that DE COIGNY I didnt! MARIE No? DE COIGNY These ploys MARIE Werent yours or mine!? DE COIGNY Another of your jokes? MARIE The swallowing was real, not a hoax! DE COIGNY Impossible! MARIE An accident, not planned, And so much more effective. Understand? DE COIGNY But didn?t you confer with him before? MARIE I planned for him to disappear?-no more. And then appear to Louis as a ghost. The whale intervened and was his host, Digesting him while dying. Yes, it?s true. Believe me, I?m as mystified as you. Lights down on a stunned MARIE and DE COIGNY. Lights up on LOUIS guiding a very bloated RICHARD. They walk in silence for a moment, then suddenly RICHARD exhales violently through his mouth, spouting a fair amount of water into the air. RICHARD How long? LOUIS Oh, twenty minutes. I?m impressed! RICHARD I?m aiming for an hour. LOUIS That?s quite a test. Now, you were saying?-Estates General--? RICHARD Convene them now and hold them in your thrall. LOUIS They?re not in thrall to me! The nobles shoot Down all my laws?-the clergy follows suit. RICHARD The bourgeoisie and peasants love the crown. LOUIS The peasants, yes?-the bourgeoisie can drown! RICHARD If you allot a double measure for The Third Estate, nobility no more Shall suck the blood of France. A giant tick Will perish like you?ve smashed it with a brick. The people will rejoice at liberty, Equality, and yes, fraternity. LOUIS I wish I could believe your prophecy. RICHARD Then I shall prove it valid instantly. (Groping blindly in his pocket.) Remember this? (Pulls out a white taper.) LOUIS The spermaceti oil Made into candles, yes! RICHARD (Pulling a bit of wax from the candle, giving it to LOUIS.) You humans spoil Its properties. Here, warm it in your palm. This substance is a myrrh-like kind of balm That whales produce and carry in their heads. When one of us is injured, then it spreads Throughout the body, salving all the pain. Has it turned soft? LOUIS I think so. RICHARD I?ll explain This while you demonstrate. Please daub my eyes. (LOUIS does so, gingerly.) How old?s a whale? He almost never dies Unless harpooned by man. How can we live Forever, never plagued by ills that give You pain? Why, it?s the spermaceti oil. LOUIS A universal remedy? RICHARD We toil Not, nor spin, and yet our raiment is Eternity. (Touches his eyes.) This heals the damages Life does to us, if we are left alone, But not if processed into oil and bone. LOUIS So spermaceti oil is not your sperm? RICHARD No truth in that, no, not a single germ. LOUIS A pretty tale, but how to prove it?s right? RICHARD Well, how ?bout this? I?ve just regained my sight. LOUIS stares, then holds up his hand. RICHARD mimics the motion exactly. LOUIS holds up three fingers, and so does RICHARD. LOUIS It?s true! You?re cured! RICHARD You wasteful humans spurn The wisdom of the whales. This balm, you burn. LOUIS Astonishing! RICHARD Will this add credence to My prophecy? LOUIS Yes, absolutely! You Have won me over to the Third Estate! (MARIE appears.) Marie! You won?t believe it! This is great! Our clever guest has had a wondrous thought That when the Estates General meets we ought To give the Third Estate their delegates In equal number of the aggregates Of clergy and the proud nobility! (MARIE just stares, cynically.) And look! A holy marvel! He can see! RICHARD The real miracle is what is seen: My first sight is the gracious King and Queen. MARIE (Smiling tightly.) Such wonders are so rarely manifest?- I?m glad to see it?s worked out for the best. LOUIS I called this man a prophet days ago But underestimated him e?en so. I realize, with what he?s sacrificed, He?s less a prophet than a second Christ. RICHARD But what if your conclusion is untrue? Perhaps the role of Christ is saved for you. LOUIS You told me sacrifice was in the cards. Am I the sacrifice, then? MARIE (To no one in particular.) Call the guards. LOUIS My dear, his prophecies are tough but fair. MARIE I see where this one?s headed. What a pair! You?re Christ?-am I the Virgin Mary then? LOUIS Not quite. But you?re a perfect Magdalen. MARIE We?re choosing roles as if this is a play! It?s not a tale?-we?re living it?-today! LOUIS We base our lives on fragments we recall Of stories from our childhood. One and all, We manufacture fictions into life, For instance, like the one that you?re my wife. MARIE What?s that supposed to mean? LOUIS It?s been just fine To keep the fiction that the Dauphin?s mine. MARIE He is your son! RICHARD Such rumors fly about All heads of state these days. But theres no doubt You can dispel all lies with one small act Transcending gossip, fiction, fibs and fact. LOUIS How wise he is! Marie, we must reveal To all of France these truths?-we can?t conceal This prophet, keep him to ourselves?- MARIE I?d just as soon confess to raising elves At Trianon. I think you?d quickly find The people saying that you?d lost your mind. LOUIS I take advice from him because I must. Sometimes he is the only one I trust. (Leaves in high dudgeon.) MARIE Well? Satisfied? What have you done to him? RICHARD Just what you asked. MARIE Destroy him on a whim? He thinks he?s the Messiah from your chat?- I think you know what always comes of that! RICHARD Kill just one man? Not much ambition there. MARIE How many are you catching in your snare? RICHARD In pushing France into democracy I?m giving each man power?- MARIE That much I see. But what?s the harm? It?s progress, isn?t it? RICHARD Perhaps it is. Perhaps the opposite. The King has final say of life and death For all his subjects, can cut off their breath. The latest weaponry is his to use To snuff them out as he may choose. Imagine every woman, man, boy, girl With power like that. It would destroy the world. America and all its democrats Are free to kill themselves like rabid rats. And as for progress?-moving on in life?- We strive for peace, but just engender strife, RICHARD (Cont.) And death-march ever closer to our goal?- Wrapped tightly in a sheet, dropped in a hole. MARIE Your logic is intriguing, if macabre. RICHARD That?s fine. A sign that I have done my job. MARIE A job for me! I gave you the King?s ear! RICHARD Oh, no, I took it for myself?-that?s clear! You didn?t help much. MARIE Impudence! I paid You your full price. RICHARD Do you mean getting laid? I took that, too. Remember who I am. MARIE A man? A whale? I don?t care where you swam?- RICHARD When I set sail for whale in search of God, I?d no idea of the path I?ve trod And was surprised as much as anyone to see The God I sought at sea was really me. MARIE Such arrogance! The Second Coming?s you? RICHARD This may not just be visit number two. What if I?ve come before unrecognized? MARIE We seek a god who?s more idealized-- RICHARD The god within each man?s a devil, too. Titanic, angry, cruel. You?ll have to face Revenge: extinction of the human race. MARIE I cant believeif aught of this is true, Then Im at fault, for I created you! RICHARD Aren?t you at least amused by circumstance? A whale brings down the monarchy of France. MARIE The King is soft, but surely won?t agree. And you are out with just one word from me. RICHARD The King won?t hear you. No, he?s hooked. He?ll heed My words. What paltry work to plant that seed! I?ve done all that I need to make it stick. (Touching her in an intimate way.) And, by the way, now you can call me Dick. MARIE leaves quickly. Lights out on a smug RICHARD, and up on DE COIGNY as he meets MARIE. DE COIGNY He must be stabbed with lances. Let him die, Then have his skin stripped off and liquefy The fat to render oil. We?ll drain his skull Of spermaceti candle wax, then cull His largest teeth and carve the ivory. MARIE Not fond of him? DE COIGNY He?s breeding anarchy! MARIE And stole your place at court. It?s personal. The King?s convened the Estates General Just as we planned. It?s only weeks away. DE COIGNY But now we know he plans autos-da-fe For all of humankind. MARIE I?m fond of him And won?t allow Dick killed. DE COIGNY The chance is slim That he could be arrested, and the King Would let him go. His plot could still take wing. From respiration?s labor set him free! MARIE I?m sorry, no, he means too much to me. DE COIGNY That?s what I heard. MARIE The risk in that remark! I am your friend, I thought you mine, you shark. With words like that a life-long friendship dies. DE COIGNY I tell the truth to save you from his lies! MARIE That sounds a lot like blackmail to me. DE COIGNY Just hear me out and I will guarantee That you?ll consent. What?s more, the cornerstone Of trapping him is when you meet alone With him, out in the garden, late at night. He must be done away with out of sight. MARIE I?ve no intention to endorse your plot, Whatever dirt you have on me, it?s not Enough to lead me to betray a friend. DE COIGNY Perhaps, perhaps not?-hear me to the end. You will agree he must be killed. MARIE Not true. DE COIGNY Madame Louise confided this?-of you. Lights out on them and up on LOUISE. LOUISE I can?t describe the thing within the tub Except to say twas from Beelzebub. The bloody mess so hideous and obscene? To think that it had been inside the Queen. Marie passed out and didn?t see her spawn. I scooped it up and ran across the lawn, The dripping burden wrapped within a sheet. No human eyes but mine would see that gleet That issued forth from royalty. I thought Of burying the sticky blob, but caught Myself?-someone could dig it up and trace The evidence to Antoinette?s disgrace. The river wasn?t far, so I climbed down The moist and slippery rocks until the brown And murky Seine was at my feet. I stood There on the brink and wondered was it good Or evil made me save the Queen, condemn This thing I cannot call a child? But then The strangest odor from my arms arose. At first it was like fish that decompose, But changed its strong aroma, smelled like lamb, Delicious, roasted perfectly, a dram Of mint--and then the horror of this meat Reminded me that it was not to eat! Revulsion seized my heart for this?-decay?- I cast it off?-and then it swam away! Lights out on LOUISE and up on RICHARD in the garden. Even though the lighting is dim, its clear he?s even more bloated than before. RICHARD De Coigny said shed come, but looked so grim I wonder if she?ll give me any quim. Behind RICHARD, in much dimmer light, a figure appears wearing MARIE?S cloak. RICHARD turns and sees the figure. RICHARD Did you have second thoughts about this tryst? (No response.) Perhaps you did, but needed to be kissed So badly that you paid those thoughts no mind? (No response.) You?re here at any rate. I?m sure you?ll find You made the right decision. (Touches the figure. It does not move.) Oh, we?re cold This evening, are we then? What if I told A ghostly tale about a man who bet That he could fool a king and minuet In private with his queen? (Stroking the figure in a more intimate way.) An ancient tale, Of course, repeated often, but a whale Is part of this report, that much is new. A magic myrrh now figures in it, too, That heals all wounds, but not of man? It only works on the cetacean clan. This balm is one of three great gifts of old. The second is an oil as rich as gold. The third is ambergris of such expense It?s precious now as once was frankincense. Wise men once gave these gifts unto their Lord. We whales return them now as your reward. You crave a man, De Coigny wants a king, Poor Louis seeks a godI?m everything! (No response.) I was afraid you wouldnt come tonight. For many days youve banished me from sight. Though arrogant and bold, I know tis true That I will die without a word from you. I pray you will acknowledge, if you can, Your Majesty transformed a common man. (No response. Reaches for the figure?s crotch.) Then tell me without words, for very soon What?s this? You?re not the Queen! The FIGURE pulls a harpoon from within the cloak and presses the point to RICHARD?S throat. The FIGURE pulls back the hood of the cloak, revealing that it is DE COIGNY crudely disguised as MARIE. DE COIGNY That?s my harpoon You?re fondling, sir, and you shall have yours back. RICHARD No need for that. I gave it up. Your knack For switching loyalties has served you well. DE COIGNY I?m loyal to myself, but I excel At seeming what Im not, I carry on Not unlike you. RICHARD You serve Duc d?Orleans. DE COIGNY He thinks I do. I seemed to serve the King And acted like a loyal underling Until today. RICHARD You shake. Are you afraid? DE COIGNY It?s righteous anger, for I?ve been betrayed. RICHARD Betrayal?s big tonight. DE COIGNY It?s not. RICHARD (Touching the harpoon at his throat.) What?s this? My lady, my harpoon?-what?s next, a kiss? DE COIGNY This is your sentence for conspiracy. RICHARD Same sentence for the ones conspired with me? DE COIGNY You tricked us all, as you have just confessed. RICHARD Not what I said. I might be truly blessed With prophecy. I tell you now you won?t Crown d?Orleans the King of France. And don?t Imagine that the Estates General Will help nobility to rise. Twill fall As fast as monarchy comes tumbling down. DE COIGNY Then who will rule France, if not the crown? RICHARD My dire prediction is democracy: The people rule, a form of anarchy. When every man?s a king, with power to kill, They?ll decimate themselves, and slay until The human race is just a memory, Or banished like the Titans to the sea. My father spawned a revolution ere He seeded me?-now I exceed him there. DE COIGNY What else do you predict? RICHARD I see your death. DE COIGNY Then with those words you?ve uttered your last breath. DE COIGNY harpoons RICHARD. RICHARD struggles briefly, making whale sounds, then dies. As he is dying, two SERVANTS isolated in light set a table. MARIE and LOUIS enter, seat themselves at the table and begin to eat. Lights fade out completely on DE COIGNY and RICHARD at the moment of his death. LOUIS I wonder would you help me with my speech? MARIE Just as I always do. The SERVANTS continue to add shiny banquet dishes to the table, as well as white candles and oil lamps, until the table is aglow with reflected light. MARIE and LOUIS relish their feast. LOUIS I mustn?t preach At them, but win their confidence with kind And gentle words. MARIE Be sure to keep in mind Your goal of fairer taxes. LOUIS I don?t care So much about that any more. MARIE Don?t scare Me, darling. LOUIS But it?s true. MARIE We must avert A revolution with the right reforms?- LOUIS Too late, my dear, we can?t prevent the storms From breaking out. MARIE But all your plans for free?- LOUIS Your plans, Marie. MARIE Is this his prophecy? That gloomy nonsense of apocalypse? DE COIGNY, now dressed in his usual clothes, joins the SERVANTS in serving food and adding lamps and candles to the table. LOUIS I promised not to say. Loose lips sink ships. MARIE Our ship of state is sunk! You?ve been enticed, Convinced yourself you play the role of Christ. He?s not a prophet, Louis?-he?s a man Who told you all that stuf--it was my plan To make you call the Estates General. LOUIS Of course, I know, Marie. I know you all Too well. MARIE But then you know that he?s a fraud. LOUIS (To a SERVANT.) Some more roast, please. It?s good. (SERVANT gives LOUIS more meat. He eats it.) MARIE His talk of God Was prattle, all made up! LOUIS A pretty tale Just the same. That bit about a whale Descended from a Titan, very nice. MARIE You mean you never fell for the device? DE COIGNY squirts perfume with an atomizer. LOUIS I feared it was a fiction from the start, But liked the metaphor, and put my heart Into the story, found the truth that hid Inside the falsehood, little spermatid Of great profundity. Just like we need To drink the blood of Christ and humbly feed On holy flesh?-to transubstantiate?- I swallowed this new fiction?-it was great. The truth I found within was nothing new: Our faith has power to make these tales true. MARIE But Richard cannot be Jehovah?s son? LOUIS Or honest prophet?-my faith made him one. Consider this: when revolution rears Its ugly head, the King will shed no tears Though I?m convinced, my darling, you and I Will be the sacrifice. We?ll have to die. But this is natural?-how things progress. Once God had all the pow?r, now kings oppress The populace as if we were divine. When they rise up and kill us, that?s just fine. It means the human race is winding down, As other races disappeareddon?t frown! It makes a kind of sense?-it?s not so odd With every man a king, therefore a god, The race has reached perfection, climbed so high, There?s nowhere left to go?-it?s time to die. Each sperm contains the seed of its demise?- The human seed its bloom and doom supplies. MARIE Is that your speech? LOUIS (Shakes his head.) They?d never understand. MARIE Nor I! It?s not too late. You must disband The Estates General, rescind the call! LOUIS Oh, no, my dear. It?s not like that at all. The seed that?s planted cannot be unsown. I?m giving up my power, my life, my throne. Surprisingly, I?m not at all aggrieved. I must confess, I?m mostly just relieved! So let?s relax, enjoy this lovely meal And glorious candlelight. MARIE I think?- LOUIS Just feel. The time for rationality is past, The Age of Reason?s over, that was last Year?s fashion. Now indulge the senses for-- (DE COIGNY sprays more scent.) --You won?t have use of them for long. MARIE Who wore That scent? LOUIS Why, you did, dear. Gardenia, right? I thought it apropos just for tonight. It?s out of season, but the scent is fixed With ambergris. Now don?t be shocked?-I mixed It up myself. I also helped to make The candles and the oil. How?s your steak? MARIE suddenly stands up, trembling. LOUIS Too tough? Perhaps too fishy for your taste? (She just stares at him.) Now, finish up. He mustn?t go to waste. (She doesn?t move.) I understand?-you ate too much, might gag. De Coigny, fetch my wife a doggie bag. DE COIGNY puts MARIE?S leftovers in a bag. MARIE is paralyzed with revulsion. LOUIS It?s nice to share Communion with one?s spouse: A King and Queen together in one house. We haven?t dined together since the Flood! Especially on the Body and the Blood. MARIE Louis, I loved you till this moment, but However God may chastise, bruise or cut You for your sins, how much it hurts?- I?ll always say you got your just deserts. LOUIS Marie, no good indulging in dismay?- He told me that he wanted it this way. DE COIGNY hands MARIE the doggie bag. She faints. Nobody catches her. Lights out on the table as LOUIS moves to another area where he is isolated in light. LOUIS (Orating.) I greet the clergy and nobility My honest people and the bourgeoisie: A heartfelt royal welcome to you all As we convene the Estates General. A happy cheer goes up from the crowd as the lights dim on LOUIS and come up on MARIE in her cloak, standing at the edge of the sea. She carries the doggie bag. Sounds of surf and sea birds. MARIE Do traitors die forgiven? I must know. My death is imminent, and I have so Betrayed a host of people in the space Of months: my husband, lover, country, race?- Not to mention child, or progeny?- To speak with accurate phylogeny. Perhaps, when you were thrown into the Seine You floated to a mother more humane. Like Moses in the Nile, a refugee, You found the greatest matriarch?-the sea!?- Who nurtures you for your revenge on Man. But please forgive your mother if you can. Another child that that same union bore Still lives today and will forevermore?- The revolution?s come, for what it?s worth, And I?m the wicked mother gave it birth. A woman so completely stained by sin, I can?t imagine washing clean again. If only I could know that you?re alive And see what you?ve become, and if you thrive. I offer this, the ashes of your sire?- (Scatters ashes from the doggie bag in the sea.) Our link from God to Man and my desire, To lure you back to me and to the shore, So I can see my?-progeny?-once more. (Sound of a whale spout. MARIE peers out to sea.) A veil of spray the answer to my prayer? Come closer, where the water meets the air And rocky shore falls off to deepest bay. I see you there beneath the water gray. I?m of dry land, and you of salty sea-- This moment we?re as close as we will be. Break through the surface, let me look at you?- (Splashing sound of whale surfacing.) Magnificent! So like your father, too! There?s aught of me I see?-a certain style, However, gives you royal grace that I?ll Assume is my maternal legacy. You help me to regain virginity Of spirit when I gaze at you. Almost? I see your father, pale as a ghost. There?s joy and terror in the shocking sight: A whale of the purest, shining white. Lights dim slightly on the doting MARIE and up on LOUIS in the midst of his speech. LOUIS You are my people, and my children, too. And all my actions on behalf of you?- Some whistles and catcalls. LOUIS Are calculated?-do not ask me how?- In your best interests?-moving forward now?- More catcalls. Lights dim on LOUIS and up on MARIE. MARIE If only there was some way you could sign Forgiveness and acknowledge you are mine. A plume of spray shoots up as the whale spouts, soaking MARIE. She revels in her baptism. MARIE Then only as your mother can I boast, Invoke the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. So wash me clean enough for paradise, Prepare me for the coming sacrifice! MARIE?S shower continues, and she glories in it. Lights do not dim on MARIE but also rise on LOUIS. LOUIS The future?s here?-I?m proud to play a part I?ve studied all my life, with all my heart?- Catcalls and grumblings increase, along with some indistinguishable shouts. Some strange clicks and wheezes as well. LOUIS You may not love me now, but you will see How vital to this process I will be. Shouts grow louder and more incoherent, threatening to drown out LOUIS? words. The clicks and wheezes sound strangely familiar. LOUIS And sacrifice has got to play a role In progress, giving up the strict control?- The shouting has become a roar that almost completely obscures LOUIS? speech. LOUIS ?-Each human being wishes in his life. I bow to your desires, and my wife Will do the same. We care for you, you see, Will only rest when all of France is free! LOUIS can no longer be heard, but continues to speak inaudibly as the roar grows in intensity and changes its character, sounding more and more like the whale booms RICHARD made. MARIE continues to welcome the repeated sprays of the whale?s spout. The boom is now recognizably the whale sound, but louder and more intense than before. Finally it is so loud it sounds almost like a massive explosion. Lights quickly brighten everywhere then go out. THE END 4 67 66 124